I Remember…

I Remember…

 

Now as I look back and I remember a past

Riddled with painful memories of childhood laughs

Just an act to overcome what was done

In an attempt to play dumb

While at the same time trying to suppress the memories of screams

That insisted on waking me from my childhood dreams

Voices screaming at the top of their lungs before the sounds of shattered glass

Hey mom what’s going on why are you hitting dad?

And never mind those new toys for birthdays or Christmas’s

Because my wishes consisted of nothing more than an escape from this life of bliss

But who would have figured that my escape would land me inside

A dark society of people who thrived on getting high by committing crimes

So like a lamb in a den of wolves I stood little chance of survival

But yet I refused to remain just another victim of their violence

So in a world where the rules of survival were either adapt or die

I chose to fight back for what was mine

And the aggressed became the aggressor

While numbing myself to the guilt’s of my transgressions

Survive! Survive! Damn it you have to survive! The only instinct I could allow to remain

The only excuse I could use to keep from being driven insane by the rage and the pain

But now look I’m not your victim anymore

And you can’t break my heart anymore if it’s already been shattered at its core

Because I was blessed with the love of a mother but cursed by her addiction’s

But yet I refuse to remain a willing participant within a life of inhibition

Because I remember, that’s rite I remember what it was like

It was like, like, like there were demons in my mind constantly both day and night

And I was losing my mind to this street life

In fact I would fall asleep crying wondering why couldn’t I have had that sweet life?

Why couldn’t I have been one of those ones that wasn’t forced to survive?

One of the ones that didn’t have to look death in the eyes and look forward to dying

Because I was just so tired that I didn’t want to go on anymore

Even though I knew I was too much of a coward to surrender my soul

And that’s why I refuse to remain a product of this hopelessness

Because I’ve already been there done that and don’t want to do it again

 So now I look forward in life and I’ll try not to look back

But if I ever I feel like giving up then trust me I’ll just close my eyes and remember that past

Because there’s just some things in your life that you’ll never forget

And I’ll be damned if a past life of turmoil and hardships ain’t one of them

 

~CG