MDC Inmate Authors Reply

Prompt:  A Letter To My Younger Self

Dear You

The ability to write this
letter comes from enduring
Hard Times
Be ready to move fast.
Everything you know is gone.
Everything but me.
Take every loss as a lesson.
Don’t waste good emotion.
Don’t hold back
in the end, you’ll be able
to face the mirror.
So hard to kill
you must be a weed
Just tell all the people
who want to be led to safety
that you’re not going there
play follow the leader too long
And one day you’ll look back
And see you’re all alone.
So Press On.
Maybe you really do know
where you’re going.
When you become a hypocrite,
you get a little wrinkle
right here,
From all the smiling.
Keep checking the mirror.


A Letter To My Younger Self

Hey wild child! Hope this letter reaches you well.
Things could be better here!
I’m writing you from jail.
Hate to be the bearer of bad news!
But you’re about to spend your puberty wearin’
State Blues!
You’re gonna have to learn to climax in complete
That’s not as bad as it sounds,
You even begin to enjoy mindless, random violence.
You’re going to miss out on the years you were
supposed to be huntin’, campin’, and fishin’
people are gonna tell you over and over again to
behave, but you’re not gonna listen!
You’ve already decided to buck the system!
You know what? Fuck this motherfuckin’

How do you tell a child he’s going to break every
single of the ten commandments?
A bastard son of a promiscuous mother, baptized
in aggression, it’ll take you decades to love
But before you find her – grab a pen and paper
cause someone needs to keep score.

You’re locked in a bathroom, sittin on the commode
as you register your blood, it resembles a rose
that explodes. Oh fuck! Was that my soul?

I don’t want to write this letter/poem
I don’t want to relive this life!
The damages are already done, and I’m not sure
if this is helping any0ne!
If I could do it over would I do it
I’m of the firm belief that my current wife
and I were meant to be, So yes! I’d take a
completely different path to my destiny!
Avoiding the pain! Avoiding the agony!

Ignorant to the sound of the gavel slamming.
I’d probably own a Prius! I’d be content
to conform!
Instead, I’m confined to a bathroom by someone
wearing a uniform!
Listen here younger me! We’ve spent a third of
our lives’ in these places at only 33.
I’m sorry!  But I think we’re goin’ back to
the penitentary!
I owe you more than a half-hearted apology!
I vow to try to live better!
That way future us, isn’t writing present
me a similar poem/letter!


Dear Little M,

Hey there little buddy, I hope you’re having lots of fun with your friends on your special day. Happy Birthday… I know you’re enjoying that red-devil strawberry cake momz made. Isn’t it so scrumptious and delicious? I wanna let you know, don’t trip out when you go to the bathroom… that’s just the food coloring, little pero. Oh yeah, and don’t make too much of a mess out of it, and try to resist those white curtains above the kitchen sink because I know you’re going to wipe all of that red cake goo all over them, you little stinker. But you know what’s good, you can do whatever you want and make as much of a mess as you want to, because “it’s your birthday, you can make a mess if you want to, throw cake if you want to.” Well, after you get done eating cake and unwrapping all your presents, go in your room by yourself so you can have some alone time to read the rest of this letter and pay attention….

(an excerpt of the whole piece)


A Letter To My Younger Self

We are a stepchild kept in the shadows
you locked your gift in the closet with our skeletons
you depart on your long walk leading a trail of tears
you’re humble for the road ahead
Along the way your mind becomes broken and you believe something is wrong
with your head
All the thinking will drive you insane
We are the grief in Mom’s pain
You know the key to our misery, “The Stigmata of Loneliness”

You learn that peace is like death; it’s inevitable
That mistakes make you and take you to an honorable pinnacle or break you
to the depths of nothingness
You give and take from so many in this world that are fake
Nonetheless they appreciate
People will tell you to smile all the time because they say you look so sad
It’s true but it never gets the best of us

I can’t tell you too much but that the best is yet to come
At this angle life isn’t so bad but at times you will think so
Continue to cultivate your mind with words which will become a
blessing in disguise
You know what to do
Just remember to breathe and smile.


Prompt:  I’d Rather Be

I’d Rather Be…

I’d rather be a superhero
maybe someone super strong
like the Hulk, but no so green.
Or someone super smart
like Ironman that can create
something amazing that everyone
would remember forever. Well I’m me
someone that has problems
weird person alias like
the one that is so funny
that some people don’t know
whether to appreciate or hate.
The other one well he
goes through life saying “fuck it”
and will provide by all means.
My mom likes the funny one.
The homies they like the one saying “fuck it.”

So called homies
where are they now
well, “fuck it”
here he goes again
I’d rather be at home
with my kids
watching Sponge Bob
or whatever cartoon
they’re into now. Going
to Bible study every day with my mom
know that at least one of these people
are going home and pick up a beer
or call me to buy a sack of bud
but I’m not a judge
but for me
I’d rather be getting money
going out all hours of the night,
hurt people, and end up in places like this
not by choice
but by doing
dumb shit

But… I’d rather be….


Prompt:  If Walls Could Talk

If These Walls Could Talk

If these walls could talk? They’d tell you how we’re
America’s new “Cash Crop!”
No longer is it corn, wheat, or cotton!
They’re capitalizing on our social demise, separating husbands
from wives, profiting from the years we spend rotting!
From the first Puritan’s arrival, I think they had a
mission! Kill the Natives, erect a church, then build and
fill a prison.

If these walls could talk would you listen?
America! Please wake the fuck up! There’s more
people in prison and jails in our country than in schools!
‘Cause the best way to control a nation, is to create a
nation of fools!
And all this wonderful technology is makin’ everyone dumber!
Now tell me who out there in the free world can remember
a phone number?
But let me keep this relevant to the incarcerated
souls inside these many institutions!
I was listening to my 3 walls last night, and what I
heard was…
“Cry Havoc!” and let loose the Dogs of Revolution!
America pull the wool from your eyes!
Filling the spaces in between these walls is not the
Now if just one of my brothers in this room agrees
with me? Can I get a “Hell Yeah” ?

These walls can talk and even they won’t argue with
I hope these walls would reveal secrets such as…
Once convicted of a felony, you’re no longer an equal
member of society! I can’t vote to change these laws!
I can’t be in possession of a weapon, not to hunt, nor
protect my family!
And my name better not be on the lease if we want to
live anywhere that uses the word luxury!
But worst of all was my job interview for the Home Depot
The manager said I was the most qualified candidate he’d
ever seen! Hired me, then immediately fired me as soon
as my background check hit his computer screen.

These walls will forever follow me! Unless, I can escape
the “Prison America” ? Nope, a felon’s not allowed to
leave the country.
Why would they allow me to leave? With this bright
orange dollar sign over me?
But the judges, CO’s, and DA’s can’t hear what it
is these walls have to say!
‘Cause it takes a special kind of ear and a precise moment
in the day.
And if I’ve paid attention to anything they’ve had to say?
it’s that when I get out, I need to grab what’s
dear to me and get the fuck away!
‘Cause the people who lust for institutions at
capacity are insatiable!
But I can’t fight them alone, I’m not that kind of
Crazy Fool!

I’m man enough to admit I need help! I need help from
you! We need some educated warriors to battle the
long-standing powers that be
So that we know how it feels to be victorious, ’cause
apparently they’re not listening to me!
For example, the last time I was in jail…
I explained to the judge via video monitor I was
unemployed, How in the fuck is $50,000 a reasonable bail?
My 8th Amendment Rights were just sodomized!
Guess that’s why Lady Justice has blindfold over her
eyes? ‘Cause nobody likes to see a grown man cry!

If these walls could talk! They’d tell you how much
I hate em!
I hate every brick and every single mortar joint!
I hate floors made of cement! I hate… well you get
the point.

So if you’ve ever heard these walls solemn serenade
Then for you my friend, it’s probably too late!
But if you’ve avoided becoming a statistic
you love being free and know you’re innocent!
then I hope my translation, of the walls of
Incarceration, have resonated in your chest like
the nastiest power chord! Pick up your pen and
with its might, we’ll fight against the cruelty of the
I just pray to one day silence these walls forever


If Walls Could Talk

When I stroll into any room
I probably wouldn’t hear them
But I will tell you, I will listen
Sometimes I don’t pay attention
But I do remember looking at certain walls
Like my dentist’s for instance
His walls tell me, that man loves chili peppers.
Don’t get me wrong
some have caught my attention.
especially when trying to get a job, I’ll look to see what
those walls tell me to get that job I need.
I could remember the walls at home, the paintings
of the bull and its fighter, or the senorita with her beautiful
leg showing as she holds a fan in her hand, the one
from the trunk, to every branch and twig. At that
time those walls told me it’s good times, not even realizing
it. But now the walls that surround me at the moment
help me ponder all the walls that have talked to me.
Right now, they tell me:

“you’re down it sucks. but don’t trip, we can’t hold you forever,
you might have fallen, but you can get up. Oh, and by the way,
we heard that you’re going to be a daddy,
congratulations, now get your ass out of here and
take care of your new baby girl, pendejo!”

If Walls Could Talk

~JJ aka JS

If These Walls Could Talk

If these walls could talk
they would bear a million broken promises
“When I get out I’m gonna…”
“This time I will!”
“God if you just give me one more chance…”
“Baby I’m for real!”

If these walls could talk
blasphemy defined
God this and Jesus that
Hail Mary full of grace please deliver me
to my connecta…

If these walls could talk
my secret would be truly revealed
That “Yes, I am just a man
I have sworn to many a brick
that I would change my life for a second of freedom.”

Only to return for a minute or two

If these walls could talk
what would they say


If Walls Could Talk

If walls could talk
I’d be labeled crazy and put in a psych ward
If walls could talk
I hear the gossip and negotiations inside the White House
If walls cold talk
I’d be living in the City of God
If walls could talk
I’d find my poem book I’ve been working on since the age of twelve
If walls could talk
All Lies would be revealed
All secrets would be told
The good, the bad and the ugly would be said of the world
More prisons would be built for all the more corruption in the world
History would be retold
This time it would be based on facts; not cover-ups
The children of the Holocaust and Hiroshima’s last words would
be heard as a deafening sound
If walls could talk
Could you handle the truth
If walls could talk
If walls could talk…
If walls could talk….


Whispering Walls

Once again I came through that receiving door of R.D.C.
The New Mexico State Penitentiary
The C.O. and SGT. Barking at the convicted
Get against the wall and strip down naked!
Who Cares!   Shut Up!  Tell it to your momma!
Now bend over and show me your como se ama!
Underneath all of that I could hear
The walls faintly whispering to one another
Like people who gossip with their sister or brother
Here he comes again remember him?
He use to be the angry one with the shit eating grin
Rage and addiction were his two best friends
Oh yea, I remember he seems to always
Get here in November or December
Strange, his sentence is twice as long this time around
But where’s all his conniving, intimidating, and trouble to be found?
When he smiles it seems genuine and real
And look!  He can see, he can hear
And he can feel
Where’s his hatred?
Where’s his sorrow??
‘Strange,’ them old walls whispered
He smiles as if he were getting out tomorrow.


Prompt:  The First Time I

The First Time I
Una Curra
and my blood warms
and the demons are content
even the little angel
that sits on top of my conscience has
nothing to say… shhh so warm so pleasant
all my fears and pains drift away
When I was 9 the neighbors carried a man
out to the sidewalk
“call a fuckin’ ambulance Benny he’s not breathing”
Oh Johnny Doe Johnny Doe
save me from that first little smear
baby oil tattoos and a big ass Refine
with the homies and then I died I am still dead
drift, drift away way from the detox centers
that call my name drift away
away from love     drift far     far away…
into the depths of nothingness
you can’t find me         shh….
9, 10, ready or not here I come
becoming him he who I know best     yup
that same old Tecato that the women of
the Barrios love to hate
Orale simon que si you know
aqui parolee senora would you kindly
forgive me for slipping away mira me
dying on the bed we loved on
Perdoname Madre I was just a boy.
Benny shoulda’ called 911.

The First Time I…

Now everybody close your eyes
and picture this please.
As I tell you a story about a little kid who was lost in
the darkness of the streets.
We he was only 13yrs old when this darkness came
into his life.
And changed his entire state of mind.
Because you see this was a kid who still believed
In the goodness of people and the compassion of humanity.
So it was a shock to him to find out that people
could actually be so mean.
Because never would he have imagined someone attempting
to rape him at the age of 13.
And he never would have figured that he would ever
have to fight for his life.
But that cold Winter night he realized for the very first
time that it was either fight or die.
So with everything he had he, kicked, swung, scratched
and screamed
And in the end the monster got nothing. But emotionally
took away everything.
Because you see that was the first time this kid ever
Just how evil and sadistic the would could
actually be.
So with a black eye a busted lip and bruised hand prints
around his neck.
He entered into a world of darkness.
And he swore to himself that night for the first and
last time
That he would never again trust another person to come
into his life
And he would never again let down his guard or allow himself
to befriend
so that night a kid became a man and surrendered his life of play.
Never again would he be a victim and never again would
he cry himself to sleep
Because that night the streets gave birth to a soldier
and killed the dreams of a young teen.
So then began the life of a rebel with only one cause
To shield his heart and protect himself against all odds.
So you see this was the first night of what became my life of crime
Because you see  that cold Winter night was the first time that I had
to fight for my life.


Prompt:  Truth Is

Truth Is

Truth is usually elusive to me.
it skulks around clandestinely
but there’s a whole line of books that say,
“The truth will set you free”
Well fuck it! I did it! I even plead fuckin’ guilty.
They lied to me!
Now for some painfully introspective honesty.
I’m broken hearted.
The truth is…

I don’t even know if she wants to re-kindle
the fire we started…?

I don’t know if she’s with him/her right now
giving away sweet caresses that used to be mine?
I don’t know why she hasn’t answered the fuckin’
phone in a week?

She said all she wanted was me, was she lyin’?
The truth is…

What I don’t know about life, love, and my wife,
could fill up a telephone book!
But the first time I met her, I pulled her
close, breathed her in, and that’s all it took.
The truth is…

I’m scared to death I am going to lose her!
With my crippling words, selfish actions, and yes even
my hands, I’ve abused her.

Hands that were meant to please and protect!
engulf her with my love, not wrap around her
fuckin’ neck!

I’ve broken and forgotten precious promises!
I lost control and then I gained all of this!
I succumbed to the screams of the beast,
who refuses to sleep, knows when I’m weak
and cares for me not in the least.

A crescendo of lust and lies, love and moist thighs,
rage and spit.
A duality she recognized, two lovers, one’s despised,
personalities split.
and revealing this to the world doesn’t make up for
any of it!

The truth is…

I feel like a twice run over piece of rotten
dog fuck!
Guess I truly am a “shit stick” and now, I’m stuck!
But she’s seen something good in me?!
And I can still hear her say “I love you infinity!”

And I’d hold my breath for the rest of my life, if just
one more night she’d drown me in her beauty!
Adrift  and at peace I’d be, in her bosom,
weightless and warm, love becomes me!

But it feels like I’m losing, like Summer to Autumn
is it inevitable? She’s beauty and free,
While I’m regrets and forgotten!
Of motherhood and compassion, she’s the epitome.
While I’m just a combination of random drugs and whiskey
strugglin’ to persevere this matrimonial odyssey!

The truth is…

I’m tired of bleeding out all over this paper!
2 weeks of phone calls now without an answer?
I’ve jumped to numerous conclusions,
while holding onto hope, and stroking delusions
If I’ve ever been honest a day in my life?
I’d like to say, “I love you D!” Like a
Husband Loves a Wife!

Like cool rain loves to fall on a warm night!
But all my love analogies, can’t close the gap
Between you and me
You’re a correctional officer, and I’m a convict you see?
Do you still believe in destiny?

Now, as for what the truth is…?

Right now, it’s something I’m ashamed of!
I betrayed the ones who freely gave me their love.
Realizing now, It’s time for a change!
Time to make the truth proud of me!
Even if I have to get a full frontal l0botomy!

The truth is…

I love and miss my family –
D, C, and K
I hope one day, Y’all will let me back in!


Truth Is 

Truth is, I’m a Navajo that comes from a long line
of soldiers who fought for their country, tell stories
about the killing and the attack, just for my safety,
what about their safety?

Truth is,
we’re all proud of the things you all have done.
Truth is,
you’re not the same,
the killer, insisting on the way you look at things
the way you talk,
the way you walk.

Truth is,
I’m scared to be around you!
American soldiers,
The truth is, the real fight is inside you.
Being cast away by the people you protect…
Truth is coming –

Home to Old Glory.
Fighting the real war
here at home.
Truth is, Doctors telling you
“take this pill, no take that pill…”

Truth is, they all say we need our
soldiers home now
Truth is when the come home
all fucked up, don’t know how to handle the
fight, they’re still fighting.

Truth is, looking into your eyes
wondering if you know
I’m your brother,
Truth is, who’s the real enemy.

Truth is, they sent you to kill, no?

Truth is, “I miss my brother.”


Truth Is 

… I’ll Never Know

Now, I ain’t ever told nobody
I love them, and really meant it,
’till I met you, I’m stupid to
even mention it.
But it was the Truth I’ve proved it
and now it’s evident.
you ain’t gotta clue and you losing me’s
all you ever did…

And I ain’t even gonna sit here
to fight with you, tryin’ to keep you
I showed you all my love and it fucks
with me, you don’t even care.
I saw you like my queen my team
I wouldn’t dream to dare,
to treat you like you’re less
I’m blessed to even “think” you here.

And I ain’t ever faked the funk
or fronted or told a lie to you.
I put that on my life on the child
that grows inside of you.
You’ve kept me up for nights I’ve cried
to spend time with you.
Girl you be on my mind every five seconds
goes right to you…

And you know damn well that
it’s killing me I’m alone again.
And you ain’t even wrote me
to show me you’re my only friend.
Mommy it’s so cold you know that
I’ll be home again,
I promise I’ma’ hold you and show you

where my soul has been…


Prompt:  Freedom Is

Freedom Is 

Freedom is the music I hear.
The worlds I write to form this poetry I express…
On these plains I am untouchable from all
of this crazy world we dwell in.
To the music notes I ride to the Heavens
for a moment of freedom…

I glimpse of fresh, breathtaking air, I call, “Freedom.”
of easily as the ink pours out the pen
To push these thoughts
Of my worldly wonder,
soundless to all that is around
Me and my spirit is lifted up away from all this world
Slaving away to independent purposes.

My body is caged
Filled with furious rage
And wicked schemes to leave
And embrace the truth
A privilege I take for granted.
This is my political liberty.
My discomfort from figure-8’s I can’t seem to break…
Oh! Please!

Keep your pity!

I need none,
I need to be what I can’t
But all will pass

I have my freedom.

So I turn the volume up
To capacitate my mind with freedom.
I pick up my pen to bleed
The ink of expression,
“Worlds of Freedom!”


Freedom Is 

Freedom is in my own mind
I’m here
and there.

Freedom is the way I feel inside
Freedom is being forgiven
for what I did.
Freedom is the love I feel when I pray inside.
Freedom is not coming and going.

Freedom is a song played over and over.
Freedom is my… Freedom is…. My
Pen with endless paper
Freedom is…
My voice
Who laughs and cries
Freedom is what I want it to be…
Freedom is.


Freedom Is Too… 

Our soul being conceived into this world.
From before now, and beyond
It is life with a capital L
Yes, we might have entered this world,
Unfolding from a fetal position, rolling out,
Bloody slimy, like a roly-poly, full of yuckiness,
It’s messy, but hey it’s freedom.

Our soul comes from the heart, where it begins,
Pumping blood to and fro
Of this freedom
It comes from ideas of our mind,
Imagination’s powerful, squishy, spongey, organ within…

Freedom is a blink of an eye
Sometimes we can’t see it,
Creating tear drops to run down our cheek,
Beliefs confiding that brought us,
Wandering wildly where we walk through waterways
Whoever wants it…


Freedom Is

Freedom is waking to the Lord’s first breath.
Freedom is the joyous sounds of kids
The anticipation of your spouse’s sweet kiss
Jogging out in the morning mist.

The right to think of places to brunch
To return late to work
After a juiced up lunch.

Freedom is the choice of one of many
31 flavors.
to sit and think of misbehavior,
Sometimes to even be self-centered.
To understand  self-discipline.

Freedom is
Worth fighting for,
So let’s enjoy and take advantage
Of what many Americans
Gave their life for.


Freedom Is 

Freedom is
The place where I can lay my head
And stare at the clouds. Listen to life without
Nodding out…

When you can do as you please, not have to
Worry where you are gonna lay your head or get
Your next meal…

Walking out of this hell in Levis and ball caps
Not hearing “lock down” not eating beans, rice, potatoes
For every meal…

It is something taken for granted
Far too often

It’s what you want, make it.


Freedom Is 

Freedom is a fairytale
Who’s story is told from a person
With golden hair.

Freedom is a set of rules
Who’s long arm extends
Far beyond borders
And imaginary walls .

Freedom is politicians
Who’s own perversion of the word
Is its definition…

Freedom is printed page, who’s meaning
Has been obscured through age

Freedom is frugality
The absence of clothes, property, and money.

Freedom is not
The color of a flag
Or the nation for which it stands
Freedom is my brothers in chains
The knowledge which we gain.


Freedom Is 

What is true freedom?
It’s not doing what you want
No No it is doing what you need to do
And that is the truth.
Surviving is true freedom.
In manner without curse words, deception, or perversion.
Sometimes people that are incarcerated find the truest

The people locked up, behind these walls
Or chain linked fence with razor wire, do
Have a peace of mind, body, or soul.
Doesn’t make sense, does it?

But they do, have it, more than
The physical freedom person of the outside world.
Aside from a person of incarceration, would be a homeless person.
Believe it, it’s true because they go
Through the day only worried about survival.
True freedom can come in many forms.
Look at recovering alcoholics or addicts.
Their main focus is based on making it through their day
Without relapsing.

Being selfless is another example of true freedom,
Not so much focus on one’s self, wants or needs, but others
True freedom is not literally the physical freedom,
That a selfish person desires, no
It’s more than that.


Freedom Is

Freedom is given
and something that you can’t buy
or wait a minute
I lie.

Freedom is being rich and
buying your way out of a case.

Or, being a congressman and
spitting in justice’s face
Freedom is just word we sa
to make us feel better about our
impoverished state…

Freedom is something we see in our sleep
because in the hood freedom ain’t nothing more
than a dream.

Freedom is supposed to be our God given right
but if you ask me, freedom is still something
I’m trying to find.


Freedom Is

Freedom is not knowing what will happen
Freedom is what people take advantage of
Freedom is the same old , lame ass excuse we use for war.

Freedom is doing what you want:
Smoking a joint
Drinking a beer
Kissing your girl
Without thinking of the consequences

Freedom is happy ever after…


My  idea  of  freedom

Freedom to me is being capable of having the same equality as men and woman being capable to do anything you wish without being discriminated.  For example still to this day men don’t want women to do construction they don’t allow us to do jobs that men do.  I mean they say they don’t discriminate but from what I have seen not many company’s like Brake Masters, Jiffy Lube, and construction sites have woman working for them.  I mean I believe if we have freedom don’t limit us to the things we can do give us a chance to prove our skills to what you don’t believe us as woman can do.  The same goes for how they have a wall so that the Mexican can’t cross over to work.  Basically freedom should be to let anyone wanting or capable to work, come and work.  In my eyes blacks, whites, Indians, Cubans, and Mexican all bleed the same, the only difference in us is we are of different color but we still got a beating heart, and freedom for me is all of us being equal

Freedom Is

What is freedom?
Freedom could be a letter in the mail, or
Getting released from jail.
It could be getting whatever you want to eat,
Like pizza tacos or meat.
Freedom could be being able to drive,
And for that one special moment
As the wind hits your face
You finally feel alive.
It could simply be getting a little bit of sun,
Or going out for a run.
To different people freedom
Could mean so many things, but my freedom is
Waking up in the morning
Without a worry on my mind
And not having to stress about
Getting shot or staying on the grind.
To me it’s not about chasing dope,
It’s about having dreams and keeping hope.
My freedom is seeing my daughters grow up and
Go to school,
As she looks up at me and says
“that’s my daddy, he’s cool.”
It’s crazy cuz in my eyes it’s all so easy to see,
But I have so many demons on my back
I feel like I’m never going to be free.
I just hope Jesus will forgive me.


Prompt:  A Lesson From Me

A Lesson From Me

Just being in the room
where it happened
just being there
where the smoke blew
where the flames striped
orange along the raftersIt doesn’t look like much now
at the time it was perfect
concrete baked, breaking
glass shattered
in and out
the roof fell in cinders
and the rain
only finished ruining
putting the finishing touches
on a lesson from me.


A Lesson From Me

My life is a lesson a lesson strife
A cry from my heart
when I made
My mom cry.

Cry for her son that
Let drugs rule his life
now I’m sitting in a room I cannot leave
Facing a 2nd and 3rd degree

Or, am I free from the streets where I’m
not letting my arms bleed
So fuck what I was taught
I’m taking a lesson from me
To change myself
and be who I want to be.
So watch my lesson
The lesson from me.


A Lesson From Me

A nurse’s smile
plastic cup of ice water
for the pain pills
a tube for the
bag full of blood.

A hole where
they put your intestines
back after checking
inch by inch for rips
flowers surviving

A lesson from me

A polished stone
lovingly engraved
parts of plastic flowers
footprints filled with rain
a wreath and
two memorable dates
before and after

Dark skies
children with grey hair
a rock in every shoe
a knife in ever back
the insidious invasion
into ever line of culture
literature itself reeling from
A lesson from me.


A Lesson From Me

You can take it or leave it,
It doesn’t matter to me,
But it should to you
I only tell you
Because I care, and have love for you
You might think this life is unfair
I’ll show you the door.
But it is your decision
To twist that knob, open the door
And walk through this door of advice
I don’t give rotten apples, to fool you
Just trying to prevent you,
From going through the nonsense
Making yourself into a fool
I’m not a cowboy, or even ridden on a horse
Matter of fact never tried on cowboy boots
But have been rough riding before
And been through too many rodeos
So kick back, relax, focus on what I say
And listen, to a lesson from me


A Lesson From Me

Lesson X

First the hands
In front, then
Step over the chain
So they can cuff your feet
Remind them to double lock
So they don’t cut your
Circulation off
While your sliding around the bus.

Just enough chain
To get around
So they never take them off.
There’s one good mirror
In the courthouse basement, by the door
Really a window
Make sure you check it
It isn’t every day
You see yourself this clearly
Hold your cuffs
Over your bruised ankles
Just long enough to chain shuffle
So you’ll wear them
All the way
Down that long white hall

To those steel elevators
Blue pads you can
Lean into for balance
Fresh paint over
The prayers scratched
Into the holding cell walls
Where legal experts
Leaf through sheets
Stuffed into their orange pajamas
Rank water
In the combination
Just enough chain
To piss or wash your face
So they never take them off
You’ll wear them
Right into court
And wait two hours
For your half minute
In front of the judge

So high up, covered in
Badges, degrees, awards
Accounts, connections
Spear-tipped flag on one side
Imperial eagle on the other
Armed to the teeth
And you are so dangerous
There is not even a staple
In the pages and pages
You have no time to read

This is the big one
The please, new gold
Standard of the
Legal system
Your crumpled file
Folder of certificates
And letters from home
Will almost shame you
On the rocket docket
So busy avoiding trial
You never asked
What one is
And why everyone’s
So afraid of it

You only heard  “sign
Or get broken off.”
Chains just long enough
To work the pen,
It almost dances
Away from you.
The courtroom sighs relief
They can all be
Friends again.
The baliff’s hand
Shoving you from the  room
Almost feels
Like a pat on the back.


A Lesson From Me

Lesson from me don’t put that flame to that pipe
Lesson from me put that drink down
Stay away from that wicked clown
Lesson from me

Lesson from me love that person
‘cause one day that love will be gone

Lesson from me don’t put
That devil in your vein

Lesson from me keep your eyes open
And your mind free

Lesson from me
don’t hurt that love ‘cause that love
Will hurt you.


A Lesson From Me


Hell is repetition
Hell is repetition
Same old turn same old sound
Happier than a pig dipped in shit
Evil is stupidity and ignorance is bliss.

Heaven is a Sonic burger
Coke and Fries
Making girls laugh, jiggle and giggle
Walking pas a police man with nothing to hide
Hearing “I love you “ from a college student
I never raised.

Balance is in the middle
Between Heaven and Hell
Learning hard lessons from walking
With the Devil
Learning forgiveness from walking
With the Angels.
Evil must be allowed to bring maturity
For the good of the universe
It’s how you handle it
It’s how you endure
Naked is how we came
Naked is how we’ll leave
Standing in the middle is where I
Want to be.


A Lesson From Me

Growing up on 2nd street
And Rio Bravo
Where cops dare to wonder in alone
Where my parents tell me to be home before
The street lights come on,
Where I learn respect
Pride confidence and no fear
Where I learn who my true friends where
And hope that a stray bullet does not enter my house
Where at night
It looks like a fiesta
And some nights
It sounds like a world war
I learn how to watch my back
And read people
I learn that I love the South Valley
And Burque
New Mexico
Land of Enchantment
No place like home
Take me to Pandora’s city
Where the sand is brown
And the girls are mean
But they are pretty
Won’t you please take me home


A Lesson From Me

“I Shoot an arrow in the sky
And where it lands
I know not.”

Who said that?
Edgar Allen Poe

But to sit and wonder I think
I’ll save
And check my mark beyond the grave

Who said that ?
I did dummy, didn’t you just hear me?

That is a martyr’s code
His life is aimed to reach its
Goal long after he is dead
It will reach people yet

Shadows and dust
The Romans used to say…

Dust is our life… and
Shadows our legacy…

We will die… but our
Legacy will live on!


A Lesson From Me

A lesson from me is to not
Be like me
Gang banging
Not caring about
Who I hurt
Taking it out on site


A Lesson From Me 

Where do I start, if you’re taking a lesson
From me you might end up in places
You don’t want to be.

It’s something I would not like to teach,
‘cause if you’re taking a lesson from me you just
Might end up doing one to three.

A lesson from me should be put in
A bottle sealed and thrown away

‘cause if you’re taking a lesson from me
It’s gonna be Hell to pay.

It would be the last lesson I would ever
Teach I wish someone would have given me
A better lesson it might be something I
Could preach


A Lesson From Me

Now everybody pay attention please
As I’m about to try and teach
The same lesson in overcoming, that life taught me
But see, no lesson ever given to me was ever given for free
In fact, every lesson in life comes at a price n’ trust me mine wasn’t cheap
Because half the shit I’ve seen in my life you wouldn’t even believe
And half the pain that’s been inflicted upon me
Couldn’t even start to be imagined in your worst dreams.

But you see, none of that really matters anymore to me
Because I refuse to be just another one of your sympathies
In fact when it comes to defining me
I’m going to let it be known again, I’m a survivor of these streets
An overcomer of evil deeds
A once again believer in fightin’ for my dreams
The son of my father who always taught me
To appreciate the little things.

So with that let this lesson from me be
That not matter how hard your life might seem
You never stop fighting for what you believe
And regardless of the outcome you can overcome anything.


Prompt:  The People I Love

The People I Love

Pain, Tears, Stress and Love , all these
explain the people I love. A sad man
sits and writes likes pages in a book only
to find out that the end has already
been over looked.

A mom who cries and stresses as the
pain in her heart progresses. She stare
at a picture of a child she once had
like a myth, a dream, or a story to
tell. This childish man  who couldn’t
get his head out of his ass. you need to
grow up get a job and provide. Stop
living this party life, you will never

This bottle and needle whoo! How I
love to get high – scratch my skin away
pissing my pants just another night.
Thug life, you know this to be right
The drugs get me degrees in Hep-C
HIV, instead of a PhD, MD, shit look
Where I’m at MDC, trying to get my
high school diploma. These are all the
things my loved ones told me the bottle
and drugs would bring.

Shut up
I know you can’t tell me
a damn thing
I’m a grown man
I’m going to do my own thing
I lie to myself about everything
even family don’t want me around.
like a flu in the body

If you don’t get help you’re gone
look at me
look at me!
I am sad
or just wrong
Say 10 Hail Mary’s to try to build my will
Heart…. back
strong so the mom looking at the picture
can say
Now I’m proud to call that childish man my son.

So to my loved ones,
The people I love
I’m sorry for everything
my heart begs and bleeds
that you forgive me for everything.


The People I Love

The people I love
were people who I call Mom and Dad
The people I love are the ones who tried
to make me into the perfect child
The people I love went separate ways
and let me run wild.

The people I love were the ones I never saw
when it all came down to it, where were
the people i love.
’cause when I needed a helping hand all I got
was a shove.

The people I love were only there for so long
Being by myself is when I got strong
not ’cause I wanted to, but I had no choice
The drugs and streets were not place for a
child, living this life I got.  In and out of jail
freezing, sleeping in places not fit for a dog.

What do you do, when it all piles on you at once
where do you run, who do you ask for help,
I thought they were there – you know who- they
are called, “The people I love…”


The People I Love

The ones who brought me into this world
are above and beyond watching my back
on this Earth. So that I have no worries bothering
me. The ones who are far and away while
I’m stuck in this strange land. Always giving
me guidance and advice, even though I am
stubborn as a mule.  The one that makes me proud,
to be a part of me, who make me feel honored
to have her carry my traits into this world.
the one who has yet to come, into this world.
Those my friends,
are only but a few
of the people I love.

~JJ aka JS

The People I Love 

Some say that blood is thicker than water
But is that true when it comes to drugs
sometimes it’s like the drugs,
seem to be thicker than blood
and the love that is supposed to be
is only as thin as liquid in a bingo blotter
why is it so important that we do what we do
for the sick love of them sooo sickening drugs
but when it comes to doing something
more important than drugs
doing something for the love of someone
we only do it “just because.”

The people that i love,
are the ones that ricochet
the same feelings back to me
in each and every way
with a real smile on they face
the ones you know that’s not fake
when it comes to fake
I can’t stand them mothafuckas…

They not the people I love
They nothin more than some bustas
when it comes to them katz
it surely is a musta
that I pull out my glock
and let them bullets flusta
leave they brainz on the concrete
light a doughnut with no custard.

Sometimes for me to love
it is so fuckin hard
’cause my heart is so dark
with multiple scars
so I choose to get high
and shoot thick shots of shards in my arms
to make it pleasantly numb
and take me away from the dark.

The person in my life, that I love the most
is now gone forever, possibly roaming this Earth as a ghost
I love my momz so much
and to not have her anymore is so fucked up
It’s like sometimtes I feel like I wanna explode and bust
and it really really sucks
because she was the only person on this Earth
I really did trust.

I miss you mom,
but now you’re gone
And I just want you to know
that to me you’re the bomb
don’t take offense to this
cuz I know we will hug and kiss
once again,
but I hope it doesn’t happen for a long time ahead
because I still want the chance, to love my own
because being in here without one
is mentally dismantling.

Now I know how you feeel without having me
to be there for you because I was in here
and if you’re listening, I just wanna say that I’m
sorry mom,
and please help me escape from this dark and get
to the light
and just know that I will never stop fighting
because remember:
you told me to never
back down
from a fight.

~MG aka MC Gill


The People I Love

The People I Love
I wish I could be like God or Jesus and love everyone
the same, but I don’t because I treat love like it’s a
game, so for that I guess I only have my own cruel
heart to blame.

Women always come and go, some say they love me – some
cry – and some of their feelings never shwo, but hopefully one day
I can find that one special person so our love can grow.

As for friends I only have a few, some say they’ll have my
back because they’re true, but there’s no telling what
they’ll do. That’s one person you can call a snake, or a a
fake, and when you turn your back they’ll be quick
to take, so my love for most of them is at the bottom
of a lake.

But there’s always those people I will always love and
that’s family, because even though sometimes they might
make me feel crappy, there the ones that truly
make me happy.

They are the ones that will never leave me,
they will always love me, and not matter how bad I
Screw up! They will still see nothing but the good in me
So tonight as I look to God up above, I’m going to
pray that he takes care of the people I love


The People I Love 

Hey get up, the people I love
are watching you, they’re watching
every move you make and they’re
watching close, get up, come on
it’s the 12th round, and they don’t quit
I know it’s hard, and I know people hate.
I know the pain, please, come on
your body’s hurt, and your mind’s weak,
he’s at the 10 count.

Get up, move, take all the shame and guilt you feel
let it go
clean your bloody eyes, get up
’cause the people I love are watching,
one last fight.

Show the people I love that they’re loved.
Because when my time ends
the angels will hold my arms
up in the air, because of
the people I love


The People I Love

these are the people
the people who saved the life of a one child and treated him as an equal.
And even though they’re gone now,  I know they’re in a better place.
So it’s time for me to move on now, but that don’t mean I’ll ever forget one face.
Because the life I live today
Is in memory of their love and strength.
And I’ll never stop thanking God for bringing each and every one into my life
Because I know if it wasn’t for their love I would never have known life
so now I’ll ask for a moment of silence please
to remember the only people in the world who ever gave a damn about me
and even though you didn’t have the opportunity to meet them
please just know that they were my family and my friends.
They were the people I’ve loved and now they’re the people I’ll miss
but most of all they were the people who gave me the strength
I needed
to live.


The People I Love 

So I am never alone.
The people I love
are always with me
in my mind
united in the spirit.
The world is trouble
smoke fills the open spaces
everything burns
these coals
those ashes
the people I love
and I am with them
with no comforting
promises to offer
where we’re going
is no place for a family
but these are
the people I love
so as we stand
overlooking a world
in flames
Hell on Earth
and the road ahead
leads right through it
and all I can promise
is you’ll never be alone
we’re going down together.


The People I Love 

Some say it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never
have loved at all. However I think the people that say
this have never truly loved… or maybe they have
never lost. True love is so much more than just a
word, so much more than just a simple word. Compassion,
kindness, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, love encompasses
all of this and so much more. Unconditionally is the back bone
of love. meaning that no matter what you will
still love that person. I don’t throw it out there like
the butt of a wasted ciagarette. I throw it out more
like an eager kid, expectantly awaiting the return
of a boomerang
I’ve been hurt several times, but you know what…
I still continue to love even though it doesn’t always
come back and sometimes is lost,
some say it’s better to have loved and lost than to
never have loved at all.


Prompt:  You Think You Know But You Have No Idea

You Think You Know, But You Have No Idea 

When you look into my eyes,
what do you think you see?
Do you see what you think is the real me
or do you judge me from what others think
and base your opinion on the opposite
of my tattooed arm “Only God can judge me”

I hate it when others think they know
without even thinking in the first place
thinking they have an idea of what’s inside
when you know they have not even a clue
just by the expression they have on their face.

Get your facts right and separate them from your fiction
kick back and imagine how your thoughts might change
if you just gave yourself a little more patience
also open your ears and keep your mind open to listen.

Just ’cause I am white, I ask you please times 3
don’t think I was raised rich, wearing Abercrombie and Fitch,
smoking only high grade to get lit
driving at the age of 16, the baddest of whips, or raised
up in the heights, living my life as a cinch.

I had it really really hard with no positive guidance
at least what I mean I had guidance that was tryin’
but I was goin’ the wrong way, because that guidance
was lyin’ – Induced and Infused, black and blue and abused
sedated from ill toxins, leaving the responsible confused
so irresponsibility was welcomingly induced
into my life at the age of 9
causing my brain to be evilly seduced.

I could go on forever
about what happened after that,
but those that don’t judge and have had it hard,
know what’s up and have already been through it,
so I don’t gotta say nothin’ else,
just know that when you look at me and
stare into my eyes, get to know me before you judge
and know that if you have questions to
ask me, the answers I will tell you
are never going to be lies – especially because I will
really appreciate that you went out of your way
to get to know me, and appreciate to see and know
what’s inside.


You Think You Know, But You Have No Idea 

Now you think you know what life’s all about
just because you’ve been around for a while
well answer me this
if you know so much about life, then why don’t you all know how to forgive
you judge other people’s actions, but you ain’t willing to correct your own mistakes
you think you know what life’s about? Man you’re faker than a pair of prosthetic legs.

You think you’ve been around for a while and you’ve pretty much seen it all right?
Well if that’s the case then homie please tell me, what’s the purpose to life?
and if you do know what it is
then tell me why ain’t you livin’ it?
Yea’ you think you know!
But the truth is you really don’t
You even say you know what love is all about
but you don’t even love yourself.
Because if you did then you would care more about those you love
Then those alcoholic nights full of meaningless sex and drugs.

Oh wait, my bad
Was I not supposed to mention that
Well you know what? Tough shit!
Because this is what I call a lesson in realness
But you wouldn’t know about that because you don’t even know what real is.
So let me tell you homie, realness is this.

Realness is forgiving those that love you
Realness is admitting the truth when you realize you were wrong
and putting aside your selfish pride n’ asking for forgiveness from God
Realness is realizing that you need help and asking for it
before you have to be court ordered
Realness is being a man and stepping up to be a dad
to the daughter or son you know you have
realness is finally admitting what love is and that you need it
because in the end without it, life is meaningless
But wait, let me guess, you’re gonna say you already knew that right?
Man, when are you going to open your eyes and see the light?


You Think You Know, But You Have No Idea 

I’m not the man you think I am. No,
I’m not the boy you once new.
I’m sorrow’s Native Son. He will not
smile for anyone, and pretty girls…
make graves.

~MM (taken from ‘The Smiths’)

Prompt:  Snapshot


This is a place where I’ll always remember
kicking it with my girl, when we re-united, since then
it became a routine for us


At the moment, I miss the memory, like a dream.
but I’ll cherish it like a piece of treasure.


laying on the blanket, catching up with each other

This is a place where I’ll always remember
kicking it with my girl, when we re-united since then
it became a routine for us


I miss the memory, but I sit and wait, because
in the future we will create a new memory.
No matter what happens, we will have more
memories to come.

In each other’s arms resting from all the walking
we’ve done.

This will be our refuge.



Cars all around me and Mexican music going, bean dip, bean dip, bean dip
ice cream

Colorful stain Batman shirt with ice cream

fresh green grass hills and tall strong trees

Cars all around me and Mexican music going, bean dip, bean dip, bean dip

Batter up

Watching big boy red shirt and green grass
Ice cream all over the place
fresh green grasses hills and tall strong trees

Safe being kids, with my kids loving life!



Darian would say something stupid towards me and
I would chase that weasel looking dummy up a wall
of crumbling rocks not worrying about how far the
ground fell from me.


I never knew I was a rock climber

We would all start the morning off with Monster
energy drinks and the brisk morning air.

Darian would say something stupid towards me and
I would chase that weasel looking dummy up a wall
of crumbling rocks not worrying about how far the
ground fell from me.


I would see rattle snakes just a few
feet from me in between rocks

I almost fell I don’t know how many times
but stuck with the slogan “Don’t think just do.”

we would all start the morning s off with Monster
energy drinks and the brisk morning air.




I love her so much
looking at me so lovingly.
I see my mother and she already has a cup of
joe waiting for me.

I love her so much
She is who I lean on
who I confide in
looking at me so lovingly
I love her so much.



I’m most comfortable wherever my loved ones are

A place beautifully free under the stars.


Anywhere, where we’re able to cook together, laugh together and reminisce
I’m most comfortable wherever my loved ones are


just so long as the people that are there
are the people who still love me and care.

Anywhere, where we’re able to cook together, laugh together, and reminisce

A place with no bars windows or doors, but least of all no stress.



Things going on I think I hear
some rattling

Green Chile


It seems to me a lot of good is
happening to me


I that I’m visiting

Things going on I think I hear
some rattling


I miss these things in life
because they hardly happen anymore

I know that I’m visiting




Some hot, some cold
this is what life molds
this is something I never told
some hot, some cold
people surround me
people down me
this is what life molds
end with one word or
one line new or old



A place I’m comfortable in is inside my
Grandmother and Grandfather’s Tee Pee

Colbalt blue

Singing songs of spiritual joy
making others happy.


I’m there to introduce my girlfriend to
my Mother

A place I’m comfortable is in inside my
Grandmother and Grandfather’s Tee Pee.


She told me one time, “don’t worry about
women and girlfriends if anyone wants you
they’re going to have to go through me first.”

She can see the intent makings of
my girlfriend’s heart.

I think my Grandmother likes her.

She was benevolent and gracious toward us.



I am in my childhood bedroom watching TV with my sisters

All I can think of are my achievements and pictures that have
dressed my walls

We are eating captain crunch cereal straight out the box.

I am in my childhood bedroom watching TV with y sister

If you could see this picture you would see,
a brother in faed blue jeans and two sisters with long pony-tails.
wer are eating captain crunch straight out the box.

I miss this childhood memory, it will always have a place
in my heart.



I love the fact that I could be around nature
in the open, free from all the world’s problems.


I love waking up in the morning and opening
my tent to clear skies, smelling the fresh breeze


while I hang out with my friends looking at
boats pulling people on tubes like dogs pulling
sleds, Erica my friend yells like a kid that lost
her doll.

I love the fact  that I could be around
nature, in the open, freem from all the world’s


I enjoy going to the lake with my friends
to be free. We have fun and look out
for each other like family.

I love waking up in the morning and opening
my tent to clear skies, smelling the fresh breeze




Things going on I think I hear
some rattling

Green Chile


It seems to me a lot of good is
happening to me


I that I’m visiting

Things going on I think I hear
some rattling


I miss these things in life
because they hardly happen anymore

I know that I’m visiting




Some hot, some cold
this is what life molds
this is something I never told
some hot, some cold
people surround me
people down me
this is what life molds
end with one word or
one line new or old



A place I’m comfortable in is inside my
Grandmother and Grandfather’s Tee Pee

Colbalt blue

Singing songs of spiritual joy
making others happy.


I’m there to introduce my girlfriend to
my Mother

A place I’m comfortable is in inside my
Grandmother and Grandfather’s Tee Pee.


She told me one time, “don’t worry about
women and girlfriends if anyone wants you
they’re going to have to go through me first.”

She can see the intent makings of
my girlfriend’s heart.

I think my Grandmother likes her.

She was benevolent and gracious toward us.



I am in my childhood bedroom watching TV with my sisters

All I can think of are my achievements and pictures that have
dressed my walls

We are eating captain crunch cereal straight out the box.

I am in my childhood bedroom watching TV with y sister

If you could see this picture you would see,
a brother in faed blue jeans and two sisters with long pony-tails.
wer are eating captain crunch straight out the box.

I miss this childhood memory, it will always have a place
in my heart.



I love the fact that I could be around nature
in the open, free from all the world’s problems.


I love waking up in the morning and opening
my tent to clear skies, smelling the fresh breeze


while I hang out with my friends looking at
boats pulling people on tubes like dogs pulling
sleds, Erica my friend yells like a kid that lost
her doll.

I love the fact  that I could be around
nature, in the open, freem from all the world’s


I enjoy going to the lake with my friends
to be free. We have fun and look out
for each other like family.

I love waking up in the morning and opening
my tent to clear skies, smelling the fresh breeze



Prompt:  Recipe


Self Indulgence Dip:
Preparation Time: 5 to 10 Minus Good Time

3 years of poetry
6 million words
A pinch of intoxication
non-iodized sea salt
Habanero Doritos

Mix in a large trash bag
Crush against brick wall
stir in alcohol till
Psychosis occurs
salt and serve humanity.



Before MDC:
Love, Hatred, Respect, Compassion, Anger, Leadership, is what made up JD before MDC

Hands On: 1 – Total: Many Years – Serves: All


Gallon: too much hatred
Pinch: not enough love
Dash: lost respect
Spoon Full: wrong type of compassion
A Little Bit: anger that lead to wrong directions
Too Much: MDC

Mix the gallon of too much hatred towards my parents, a pinch of not enough love from them
and a dash of lost respect from my brother, a spoon full of wrong type of compassion for meth
and a little bit of anger toward my record and friends that lead me in the wrong direction, toward too much
of MDC.

That is what makes me now.



Jokes, fat kid, creativity, fun, passion, love, curly hair, friendliness, here are the things that team up to make Jolly.

Hands on 22yrs – Total 22 yrs – Serves: whoevers life I am lucky enough to enter

A jug of fat kid
A can of jokes
A whole lot of curly hair
2 cups of fun
2 cups of love
2 cups of friendliness
1/2 teaspoon of creativity

Directions:  When all ingredients are mixed together you have Jolly. Someone who loves to have fun and live from moment to moment.


Prompt:  My Life As A Collage

My Life

All my life
I’ve been looking for a way out.
Someone with a solution, or a key,
But I found nothing but misery,
So much poison it gets hard to see,
and I’ve been locked away
so long the streets are like a
tall tale to me.

Lost love
that was never found,
wishing I was in the ground.
Long nights –
wasted days, and blood running out my veins.
That’s just the beginning of my pain.

how would you feel,
if a girl told you she was in love,
but left you for a drug?

That’s why I’m cautious when it comes
to a hug.
But when did it all start?
As I look back,
when I was a kid is when I lost the warmth in my heart,
So now thatI’m getting older,
I’m starting to fall apart.

I’m lost,
I need someone to tell me what to do,
but there ain’t no one left that’s true,
so don’t go on like me
living life without a clue,
move on and just forget about those that
forgot about you.


My Life As A Collage

Now this is my life as a collage
A soldier in a war already lost
but always to be remember as the soldier who always fought
Now left a fallen soldier with only one cause
Striving for forgiveness from God in a life with so many wrongs.
A painful state? Yes! But I label this a ghetto survival game
lost drowning in a an ocean full of pain
with so many questions runnin’ through my mind
like why am I cursed to be confined to this life of crime
Is it too late?
or can I still find my way?
Trapped like an animal locked in a cage
A prisoner of war? or a prisoner of my own rage?
Sentenced to a life of confinement
to be tortured by my memories of regret
unable to ever gorget
about a life not fully lived yet.
But sometimes I feel like I’ve wasted my whole life
Because I’m only 29 and already I’ve lost half my life to doin’ time.
So now they label me as another lost hope of the poor
and another statistic of their revolving door.
So no round and round I go.
Back to prison back to parole, back to prison back to parole
just another lost soul seeking to be more
then just another collage caught in a revolving door.


My Life As A Collage

on the backlash of sanity
my life of vanity
missed opportunities
Mom says it’s a

My life as a collage

memories stored in
the garage
my life is a mirage
distinct but translucent
it’s there but illusive
a state of mind
that I can’t get right
at this point in time

I am lost
waiting to be found
no mater the cost

My life as a collage

one unfortunate event after
another growing up with
but my brother and my mother
no other

But I
knew from the start that my
life as a collage
was gonna
be a work
of art.



If my life was a collage it’d be a vast canvas of
busted dreams and rare moments of crystalline sanity.
It’s impossible to count the days I’ve spent incompletely
pining for something better than this.
A shit house reality of fake fucking crooks acting hard,
trying to be what they’re not – tough guys.

If my life was a collage put in front of the
public eye,
they’d see me getting tossed up, then knocked down
by a dumb ass ex-con old man,
They’d hear Pop’s pep-talks of: “You’re not worth a fuck”
and his faithful affirmations of : “You’ll never amount to shit.”
They’d see the younger brother of two half-breed skins
walking black eyed and bruised to school,
he’d be saying “Fuck that punk, cause he don’t know me.”
But in the wider scope of reality,
The punk was the mentor of the man I was

If my life was a collaged there’d be a written
sentence without a cap and missing the period,
the only punctuations to the silent statement
would be the echoes
of my tortured thoughts from the walls in my
I try hard to forget old memories.
To let go of the residual images left in the
retina of my mind’s eye,
of my token third-rate childhood,
But every time I do, All, I want to lose
floods back in a torrent of misery
and plays across the copper screen of my
abused psyche like a B-Rated movie.

If my life were a collage, if I could be
painted or drawn,
I wouldn’t call it art – but a series of
collateral damage to others – and mistakes.
there are so many times i’ve stepped bare-assed
from a hot shower and tried not to remember
the stories behind my scars.

If my life were a collage a part of
it would be drilled into me and
the periods of permanence I paid for dumb
decisions would be written in memories of
ink on cloth – my body and soul
the teardrops of prison ink that stain
Sadness however reminds me of the
man I’ve been,
not the best at all.

If my life were a collage there’d
be lines of frustration trailing through
a kaleidoscope of heartache pain and
it’d be following the path I walked
in the darkness –
Alone contemplating the truth that those
we love most,
are always the ones you’ll forever hurt,
the line would be my reminder
that life’s a bitch that doesn’t let
anyone live without consequence.

If my life were a collage and true
to my life,
There’d be a small sketch in an obscure corner,
of a concrete box with two men in orange,
one sitting on the shitter talking about
his hopes and dreams,
the other guy would be chillin on his
bottom bunk
simply writing and drawing a picture,
in words, of the shattered remnants of
his life.

If my life were a collage of images,
It’d be a funhouse menagerie of
picture perfect stupidity
An incredibly intricate masterpiece
of the same dumb guy,
bashing his head on the wall…


Prompt:  Let Me Go Set Me Free

Let Me Go Set Me Free

(If I could have the last word it would be…)

Let Me Go… Set Me Free

Let me go. Set me free
let me walk an impeccable line
free myself through fire, refine
when wives and girlfriends scratch my
heat with dishonest claws
when others who were brothers
turned their backs on me.
I let them go and set them free

We live in a realm of covetous lust and greed
endless addictive wants and need
Imbecilic, stupidity and foolishness
Ravish the heart and Ravish the mind
but if you can survive you can walk unscathed
you can walk refined.

I’ve plummeted myself into the depths of hell
I’ve fell flat on my face to break a
dead angel’s spell
we fall from heaven to walk through
these infernal regions
Deep inside myself is hope of a victorious return
with a trophy… with a crown anything else
is too demanding.

A trophy is awareness, a crown is understanding
my last words to this world would be

Let me go, set me free.


 Prompt:  If I Could

If I Could Be

If only I could be the perfect me,
the son to be proud of.
The man she’d wanna marry
The man she wouldn’t wanna divorce.

If only I could be the perfect me,
Someone not like anyone else but
of my own making.
The father I never had.
The football coach
the basketball star

If only I could be the perfect me.
Tall dark and handsome
smarter than average
a man not scared of his passions.

If only I could be the perfect me.
A mathematician
a scholar of some sort
or a great historian.

If only I could be the perfect me.
not the me everyone else wants
but the me I always wanted to be.
a perfect gentleman.
the perfect dancer
oh yeah, God’s perfect son.

If only I could be

If only I could be the perfect me,
someone worth talking with.
someone worth listening to
someone worth learning from.

If only I could be the perfect me,
not wanting to be a better hustler
but a man with a better hustle
selling hope instead of dope.

If only I could be the perfect me
I could finally get out this situation
I’m in. Uggh I am so tired
of being in this hole I dig.

Every time I re-nig on the promise
of being the perfect me.

If only I could be the perfect me,
less lies
more truth
less don’ts
more do’s

If only I could be…


If Only I could finish What I Start

Always trying to learn how to do
or teach something.
Too many unfinished goals,
so many things I need to do.
Well I guess I will take them one at a time,
not to press or over step,
what I can or cannot do.

True to what I deem
most important,
to and for me.
Seeing past all the red lights,
not being able to be avoided.

Thing first of all, what I have
left unfinished, taking a leap
toward growing as a role model.

Getting my education completed
But when do we really stop learning?
Life is a learning process
that never stops
taking the time to finish what I start,
Man if I can only finish, finishing
this poem,
I’d be finished, If I could only finish what I start.

I’d stop starting what I have unfinished.


If Only I Could

Remembering the time of when life was together.
Present, thinking of how it fell apart
Pops going way for hustling the way he knew
If only I can take back what is mine
Mom being alone hooking up with Sancho
Al is his name, always making her
Bad, Sad, Glad, or being Mad
yeah he brought her down, how far?
Six feet in the ground, just her precious body.
No pain though for her soul.

If only I can take back what is mine
As for the one laying this ink down
Al became a friend of mine too.
Unaware of his deception, he took me by the hand
Al also knew Pops very well, aint that a shame
First Mom, the wife and kids, next freedom,
last but not least, Pops.
I’m tired of Al.

If only I can take back what is mine.


If I Could 

If I could wish,
I’d have you see
your hands
from my eyes.
Efficient in the extreme,
because a woman has to work
where you’re from
you do it with grace
and distinction
gentle iron
in bruised
Never in the wrong,
when I’m watching
somewhere in the past,
you were a good girl
my lips brush your
soap and
green chile
rough edges smoothed
nails growing to where
they won’t chip
polished for defense.
Four kisses too many,
and you wear gloves
pale wrists in
secret channels
pulse with blue dignity
and red passion.
next time you catch yourself
look at your palms.
you’ll find the stains of my heart
writing is dirty habit.
wash your hands


If I Could
If I could have the last word it would be,
because life isn’t forever
it’s only around for a while.
It would be,
remember all the times we had, no
matter the weather, good or bad
happy or sad.
It would be,
for leaving you with on one to care
while I went out to party.
It would be,
for loving me and all the special
times we hand on certain dates.
It would be,
I love you,
for all the hugs, kisses, smiles
and for picking me up when I was blue.
If I could have the last word
I don’t know what I’d say,
it would take a lifetime to figure out
not just one day.  there’s so much
things that come to mind,
so just that one world would be so hard to find.
So as the time comes for me to die,
I’d wipe away all the tears from your eye,
and my last word would be,
I love you,
If Only I Could 2
I’m starting to realize
I really messed my life up,
If only I could go back.
If Only I could change the hands of time
I would never have put myself
through all that pain, or put that needle
in my vein.
I never would have been left alone,
this heart in my chest wouldn’t
be made of stone,
there wouldn’t be any more
sad phone calls from my daughter
asking me:
“Daddy, when are you coming home?”
Dying inside cuz I know
I left her on her own.
No more tattoo tears running down my face,
or family members looking at me
like I’m a disgrace.
I’d make life worth my while, and I’d
be the one to make everyone smile.
If I could go back
this would be just one big nightmare,
or in my rear view mirror, a glare,
but there ain’t no going back
so I have to stop living in regret,
lift my head up
and stop looking so upset, because
how hard could it really get?
We only live once
so I’m going to switch it up,
live right
and go on in this never ending
fight, called life.
Prompt:  I Am From

I Am From

I am from a town called Regret
excessive chatter
metal locking doors

I ama brother and a son
I am trapped like a lion at the zoo

I am Bob Barker oranges and American History X

I come from
“I’ll still be around when you get out of prison,” and “I’ll keep the light on for you.”

I remember ditching school and smoking weed
like it was yesterday.

I am creepy crawlies and hypodermics

I love reading and writing
I am the face behind the glass
No matter what anyone says,
I will always be a convict.

I am my own worst enemy and  I come from
a town called, Regret.


Prompt:  Hands 


Hands that bring creation, that bring destruction
Hands with no mind of its own, that follows what is instructions,
that mimic language
Hands that unite in Peace, in Wars, in Prayers, in Love

Pampered hands with no definition, that stay in motion, never to become,
“Idle Hands”
Hands buried in sand, floating in water; numb and motionless from the
cold, sweaty and blistered from the heat
Hands withered, leathered, from painful seasons

Hands that are taken for granted
The humble man without the body parts attached to his left and
right wrist remembers his



When your hands are free
they could get you into
so much trouble,
you might end up killing someone or
twisting up the bubble.

Because it all happens so quick,
your hands might hit your chick,
or hit a lick,
it just depends on what poisons
they pick.

If your hands have never known
they get lonely
and start to go bizerk.

They need
something to do whether evil
or Godly.

They could pick up the Bible
or end up doing a shotty.

My hands chose the bad things
that caused me to sin.
They did things that took me
to a place I
wish I never would have been,
some people call it the joint
or the big house
but I just call it
the pen.

So just learn from me and always
that an idle hand,
can take you to a place
you’d never planned.

One minute playing with your kids,
in the sand the next,
you’re off to never never land.

Locked away in a cell,
only three meals a day
and it’s cold as hell.

So where your hands will
take you –
who knows?
Only time will tell.



I remember my mom’s hands
as if there they were still her today.
Like the way she would wrap them around me
while she was teaching me how to pray.

I also remember he smiles,
her kisses and her hugs,
but most of all I remember
her touch.

Because it was only her hands that could hold me
and show me I was loved
no matter what.

And only her hands that could rub my sides
just right to put me to sleep
or tickle my little feet
just to get a laugh or a smile out of me.

To me,
they were the most trustful and loving hands
I’ve ever knows
and until the day I die
I’ll thank God for them the most.

Because whenever I fell it was always her hands
that would pick me back up
and give me the courage I needed to never give up.

They were the hands that held me when I cried
for the first time
and the same hands that again held me crying
12 years later when my dad died.

They were the hands that always gave me the strength
I needed,
when I needed it the most
and the same hands that taught me when you love
don’t ever let it go.

So now
it’s in loving memory of those hands
that I’ll never forget
that at least one time within my life
I was touched by an angel
and truly blessed.


They search for situations that they can either
or destroy.
They are always ready for action.
These hands have started many projects
and wish they could say the same about finishing them.
They have worked together as the right held the frog
of a bow pushing and pulling the horse hair
across the strings of a violin,
while the left was jumping and sliding higher up
on the same strings creating a sound from the heavens.
Driving calls for paying full attention so when a favorite
jam comes on, I can’t exactly dance, but that
could never stop the 10 tools on the front of these
hands from doing the finger boogie.
When a loved one needs comforting, sometimes
there isn’t any words to help the situation
so these hands just hold them close
while their ears wet my shoulder and they let the loved
one now, it’s okay.
Don’t let these hands fool you.
I’ve been walking late at night down dark
streets as these hands
check car doors to see
if they’re unlocked so they
can take whatever might be
These hands have pushed a needle into
my veins injecting a dark poison into them
making me think I was feeling good.
They’ve been the works of entertainment
as they’ve guided master chief on reach, killing the covenant.
These hands help
and humble
but at the end of everything
These hands are my hands
and they’ve helped make me the person I am today.
Prompt:  Haiku

Haiku Collection

The only working
part of the machine is its
integrated kill switch

Too busy recycling
to ask who made al lthis
crap in the first place

“Assquake…” commercial
Hip Hop seems to be warning
about fracking

Skrillex sounds just like
Robots having sex, that’s right
Decepticon porn.

Th Jimi Hendrix
experience burned
a lot of guitars

Her hair was moonlight
I agreed to go to church
to be close to her

“This one’s called, gratitude”
she held her knee and rolled over
on her back, smiling.

Packed with human freight
gates locked and shotguns open
the blue bird is ready

We aren’t all fish
some of us have done this before
Some of us are sharks

During all the chaos
in Egypt, someone slipped in
and stole King Tut’s penis.


Haiku 2

The way you feel when
You look inside your eyelids
Makes all the diference.

Parylizing loss
and ruthless, desparate joy
of a single moment.

Release from concepts
and laws you cannot change
A destiny waits

Unable to fail
the most casual stranger
spits the truth about heroin.

he has made himself
man with 1,000 faces
he knows everyone

finding a target
to hide his weakness behind
alawys his first move.

they ask for her name.
I’m the only one laughing
I was raised by cartoons.

The more afrad they
are, the louder they yell at
the empty hallway.

he tagged the holding
cell at least seven times
he used a pencil.

he struggles to hear
and thinks before he speaks
a kind in a wheel chair.

orange uniforms
dry hair from bad water
bright eyes from courage.

how can I forget
you dancing in a ninja
mask of toilet paper

yeah we are still cool
but I can’t shake the hand
you pulled from your pants.

hable le bonito
vien de mi – find out if she
likes gueros.


Prompt:  Thinking Outside the Prompt

Rehabilitation is change
Combs his hair, brushes his teeth
Rehabilitation works full time
and goes to school at night.
He wears suits
button shirts and a tie.
Rehabilitation has a probation officer
and a quartz watch to tell time.
He keeps his appointments
and pays his fines.
He’s a friend 
and lends an ear.
Up at 5am and to bed at 9
Rehabilitation is change.
Who Am I
I am wolf. Hungry and hunter.
I am thousands of years old. Bones and dust swirl with the stars.
I am black and grey. Blood and teeth.
I am tundra and forest. Empty and full. Hunter and hunted.
I am coffin and pine boxes. I seek the moon, I howl at it.
I am loyalty and family groups. Packs that fill valleys and dens
with cubs.
I am Earth I am free I am wolf.
The Love of my Life
This is something I need you
to know,
I see you every time my eyes close,
Because there’s no telling when or where
you come or go.
You’re always in and out, up and down,
sometimes you smile, but most of the time
you frown. You wander from place to place
trying to find peace, but
there’s never happiness in jail
or on those lonely streets.
You feel like no one could ever love you,
but you don’t
have a clue, what I would do for you.
I will be there through those long lonely nights,
to hold you
and tell you everything’s going to be alright.
When life is unfair, and no one else is the world has
a care, I’ll be the one to tell you, “Everything’s ok baby”
As I run my fingers through your hair.
I will die for you,
I will kill for you,
I will steal and lie for you,
I will do whatever you tell me to,
because there’s no limit on what I will do for you.
I want you to know you’re my world babe!
You’re my beginning, my end, my heaven, my hell,
and the only thing that runs through my mind in this jail cell.
But I have a question for you,
Do you love me?
Well if you would just open your eyes
you would see,
that there was always someone
to love you,
and that person,
is me.
I Am
I am the sun, I shine on the through the ages on all as one,
I have been and will be here.
I am an elephant I remember my roots, I will not forget
because if I forget, who will remember?
I am one and one million, I have an old soul. I have been here
the longest yet am a baby.
I am sky blue, beautiful, kind, understanding, there are few
that can match my hue.
I am from somewhere else, far out in the heavens. I’ve come
to take you home.
I am a rock, solid, strong, weathered, feared by some, tested
by all.
I am hope, salvation, love, you were made in my image.
An idea is a journey that ponders the future in the minds of the
It eagerly shares its hopes with any ear that will listen hopefully
searching for encouragement.
In its youth it grabs on to insight, it years for new understanding.
It gets discouraged when it is sometimes stomped on by others
however is never fully stomped out.
It continues to burn bright in the heart and soul of the ambitious
In its maturity it flourishes and expands its wings preparing to
take a leap for the heavens.
It establishes itself finally, majestically flying high for all to see.
Why Did You Leave Me Behind
I never thought about that day
When I had to ask you why
you left me behind. Your lifeless body
just lying there, beautiful, handsome
with the same ol’ grin, but I
got no reply. My best friend,
I followed you like a shadow,
I stuck to you like glue, cuz you
were the only one I knew, my only
Now that you are gone my life
is not the same. Forever indebted to
carry on our father’s legacy, you left
this life leaving on off-spring but you
will never be forgotten, How I miss you
dear brother,
Why did you leave me behind
“Rest in Peace.”
I know not where I come from
I know not where I’m going
I don’t care
As long as I get there
Who I meet and who I see
Will always be a part of me
Never ending, never slowing
Never ceasing, always growing
You are immortalized inside of me
People don’t see what I see
You are my bros in orange, are on my way
Just part of my journey for this day
I don’t know where I’m going
But you’ll be there
when my journey ends
I’ll see you there
wait for me.
~DM aka English
A’ yo’ Fuck life
Imma run till the sun is upright,
and love as much as nothing
and crumble between the bus rides,
what’s up guys
I’m as up as you all could need me for,
and see myself as eager
to see the thing I should lean me towards,
and either or I’m dreaming
or need to know why I’m speaking for,
this world’s dead heroes
and people in a convenience store.
we seem to need it more,
or want it
so we bleed in war,
or make their mother’s cry
and get high till I leave the floor,
you’ve seen the score,
zeros are up
and we’ve seen defeat before.
but this is for the struggle to breath
and promise to keep it raw
tu mi amor…
you hear me roar thru’ the speaker port,
and we could be the reason there’s even a means
to feed us all,
illegal law…
street mutants, the D students,
and sleep walking diseases
all we think’s to “keep moving”
I’m free…
… if all that means is a dream and a pack of smokes
then a fiend with a lack of hope,
is how you great me and now you know
“I’m a beast…”
I’m Monsters Inc.
with the baddest bitch in the pit,
with a swagger like what’s the damage
it’s cancer to kiss her lips,
“she’s an animal…”
She’s Gotham City reality T.V star
with a fabulous sense of fashion
she’s crackin’ in-half cigars
“I’m addicted…”
I’m fuckin’ lifted!
These streets are like what they did to Christ.
A piss poor excuse for a system to wish we’re living
“This isn’t like…”
Like anything that I’ve ever had,
a feeling of overwhelming excitement
like I killed the cat,
you feeling that?
No doubt “I know your body ma,”
I can make you feel like you’re melting inside
When I get off
“I’ve tried to stop…”
But the dragon is running away from me!
It’s safe for you to say
that my way of changing
is afraid of me.
To say the least…
… Who am I kidding?
I’ll fucking love myself,
or trade it all for drugs before the sun comes up
in this bloody Hell,
“You love me still?”
I ain’t holding my breath to circulate,
the further I push myself away from you
is how I turned this way,
“I’ve learned the pain…”
Now I use it to fuel the flame inside
I drive myself insane
trying to think of places you’ve stayed the night.
“I hate this guy…”
Yea’ I see you you’re always looking back,
I’ve shattered every mirror in the house
and you found to counter back,
“now how is that?”
it’s this life
it don’t make no sense at all…
but each and every second’s a step
and your head will let you
When he forced himself on her
he stole my innocence
When he entered her
he stole my childhood
and when he passed her on
to his best friend
he stole my life.
I never met her real father
but I knew him well
on those tequila driven nights.
Maybe someday I’ll forgive her for
the torture or the times she made
me vomit.
and when her cousin made me do those very
same things and I wished them
all dead
there will be a time when I will see him
and let him know what he has done to
me. Maybe in Hell?
    Grandpa J…
I know, yes I know your name.
Violence Onanie
I took a lawyer
to the movies.
Yes, I liked her,
But this wasn’t a date.
We got drunk in
the parking lot
she kept me laughing
about a grand jury hearing
“When the ADA got into the
elevator with a basket of
fresh baked muffins, I knew
my client was fucked.” She
said. “But, of course he was
fucked they’ll indicte
anyone, hang a shirt on the wall,
they’ll pin something
on it.”
She talked all through
the movie, taking it apart,
counting misemeanors
and felonies
she told me if the film
were evidence
instead of art
the hero would be facing
multiple life sentences
by the second act.
The hero.
The love scene
Made me blush
but she assured me
it seemed consensual
Thankfully, it was quickly
swallowed up in a flurry
of bullets and bombs
the leading lady
ran around on the screen
in a plaid skirt
“Kina like Hentai,” my friend
I agreed and she frowned.
Just trying to see if I knew
the word.
The hero grabbed the stubborn
princess and dragged her across
the room
“Kidnapping,” The attorney stated
flatly. “But I could get taht
dropped to false imprisonment.
but you already know.”
then the movie star’s face
was sprayed with blood from
several angles.
My friend squeezed my hand
“Kina like bukkake, neh?”
-she wasn’t gonna get me twice
with the same trick.
NO gentlman should cop to
knowing THAT world.
Because by then it WAS a date
I lik a girl with a vocabulary.
In the car, the commercial Hip-Hop
Station said “Skeet skeet skeet”
I said, “that’s like,running through
the sprinklers, on a hot summer day,
And turned off the radio.
My Imaginary Friend
Ok let me introduce you
to my imaginary friend
you see my imaginary friend
is why I’ve sat and haven’t said
that I would rather have revenge
than be a man that can pretend
you see I’m waist deep
and I can taste when others hate me
and I get along just fine if I was like you
but you ain’t me
I’m broken home
I’m frozen stone
I’m no one knows
I’m that sharp sense of anguish
I’m famous
I’m hope to grow
I’m that old razor irrelvenance
pulse raisin adrenaline
I’m fifteen
I’m sixteen
times anythign
for the hell of it
yo I told you I’m off channel
off balance
my own ways to obey these god’s house rules
I’m a match maker of misery
rap major infinity
I crash planer in trade center
I’m track races on ketamine
I’m everything
I’m water
I’m fire
I’m earth
I’m an innocent bystander
I’m cancer
I’m cursed
I’m that guy at the bus stop with a twitch
and a crumpled one
I’m that couple with hardships
I’m their miserable troubled son
I’m that box of .45 rounds
shivers down my spine
cuz I’m like god with this glock
and I sit here like I’m
I’m the reflection in the mirror of the man
with the boyish heart
I’m the choices he avoided
I’m the soul he destroyed apart
I’m that child
witness of murder
I’m the dreams that he’ll never have
I’m that empty bottle of liquor
I’m the streets
I’m feinds
I’m crack
I’m smack
I’m facts
I’m your poison
I’m your boys
I’m noise in motion
… I’ll have reached and touched the sky
by the time you’ve woke and told them
I’m ghost wind
I’m gone
one love yall
I’m outie
that’s what myself told myself
when he broke off and found
You would think that a room full of strangers giving you
compliments, would boost you up and increase your self-confidence
I reckon most folks would say “ya! That’s just common sense!”
But I’m a piece of shit! I’m fucked in the head!
So I think I’d prefer instead, beligerance.
And just for fun push the barrel of my gun a taste past my
Scramble my brains, ’cause my thoughts are plagued…
Have I ever known innocence?
I’ve been guilty since the age of accountability.
and if you show me even a moment of vulnerability,
trust me, just me, I wanna share your secrets and heal you
of your insecurities!
Adjusting, thusly, adorn you with trinkets taken from
your enemies.
Prizes provided through freshly acquired battle scars.
As I deceive the beautifully naive of my ability to hang the
moon and stars.
And I do believe I’m growing fond of her, my amature astronomer.
As I defy silently the voice that infects my mind. They
multiply violently, these insects of desctruction run blind.
Fabricating weapons from the depths of your fears.
An intense arousal from the power of your tears.
Now dopamine floods specific quadrants of my brain
While the voice of reason from my better half screams in vain
courting the possibility that these thoughts may just be
The moment of realization may been a moment too late!
I’d love to kill everything about myself that I hate!
But we all know that old habits… sedate.
Now for the truest statement in this poem of
personal defacement

Uncried Tears

As night comes upon us once more
I find myself remembering those uncried tears
thinking mama gave a shit
only to be let down one more time
as another promised father storms off
Can I at least keep the balloon?
My grandmother would be so proud of
the 10 months I pretended to stay clean
oh those uncried tears and
those unsung songs to a forgotten God
as I cry to a casket that does not
speak back to me
Only the hush of a mother’s lips is heard
scorned, scorned, scorned
she scorned me for fuckin’ crying at the fuckin’
Hush little baby don’t say a word
Mama’s gonna beat your ass if you do
so don’t you fuckin’ move
and look at me when I talk to you
I don’t care if the kids hear me
this is my house and you’re my wife God Damn it!
quit your crying
as night turns to dawn
I welcome a single tear
here alone with no one to share it with
no wonder she left
Left me alone to mourn
to mourn my uncried tears.


Worlds Apart

I’ve been trying to bullshit my mental state of being into believing

That I understand the world as you see it,

Bust as hard as I try I can’t,

I’ve never known trust fund, well-to-do, good financial family security,

Then again you’ve never known the anticipation of a “Millionaires Club” Christmas feast,

There have been moments in my life that I thought I would last forever,

And moments that now seem a great distance, remind me of worlds that separate worlds,

I used to write thousands of pretty words about purpose and purity of love,

Affectionate promises to beloved ideas,

I’d never known the feel of handcuffs on my wrist and dreams of a better living still haunted my hopes,

well this man the other day told me he could not understand the world I’m from,

And it made me admit that I could never imagine his either,

I sit in a classroom on Wednesday evenings and there’s this dude who’s trying to understand,

A world of orange jumpsuits and criminal histories

His heart is like a golden microphone trying to hold a conversation with a broken speaker,

Yet somehow they communicate

The smokey tendrils of conscious thought and tender emotion touch the threads of a life,–

probably untainted be


And out of the chaos of nothing but random instances of perception become creation,

In the stasis of tenuous perfection,

Broken lives and scarred souls bear testimony to the truth,

The truth of their worlds, shattered families, unrealized fantasies and faith in better days,

That may or may not ever be,

Wednesdays I like sitting in the back of the room, silent letting the conversation of others soothe me,

The worlds come form the heart of men walking on earth but living in separate worlds of true existence.

There are the hard core crooks and sissies fronting, and there’s a lot of bullshit thrown in to add color

But this dude with his heart beating to the rhythm and cadence of his beliefs,

Spits worlds like oil paints hitting fresh canvas or charcoal stroking Bristol,

His gospel is the vibrant interpretation of the world as he sees it,

He’s cool with a flipped to the side hat and a turquoise bracelet that he says was a gift of his dad’s

The man is a statement; of freed flowing emotionally charged experience transformed to the spoken gift of

performance presentation

The man is living his dream

He writes poetry and feeds the unseen flames of creativity to those without a lighter,

An inspired inspiration of a decent man,

He says he doesn’t know my world,

It’s alright because I fail to understand his too,

All I know for certain is that his words have the power to shake loose bricks I’ve mortared to the walls I’ve stacked

in my head,

So, who cares?

Whether we know the worlds we come from or for that matter are going to,

As long as we can sit and have this conversation.~MU


Even now, when your body pulls close to mine,

I still get all nervous!

Your scent, your flesh, it’s as intoxicating as

wine, do I deserve this?

There’s a spot on my face, it’s your favorite

place, to plant a kiss.

now I’m denied your touch, when I need it

so much, understanding now what pain is!You’ve taught me numerous types of pain!

The most malicious was a revenge game.

Oblivious to my anguish, treason flies from

your lips!

But I’m still drawn to your flame.

Trying to sweep my embarrassment underneath

the corners of blame.

Avenged ten-fold, you bear no resemblance of


Should I pity my foolishness?

‘Cause I was the fool in all this!

Still picturing you being rubbed by the

Swastikas on his chest!Anger and hurt are the stains that refuse to

rinse away.

I’m torn between forgiveness and pain.

But I’m going to stay

Why couldn’t you just forgive me?

You defiled your body!

No need to sacrifice your temple to make me sorry!

I am sorry!

I apologize!

A hundred fuckin’ million times!

Sorry ass me with a hundred fuckin’ sorry ass

rhymes!Fuck it all and fuck all the regrets!

Let’s start over and make love until we forget!

The beast of me and all the anger in my chest,

The beauty of you and all the power you possess.

The scars on both our hearts

The time we’ve been forced apart.

if you still love me, like I love you?

Then fuck it all and fuck all the regrets!

Let the passion be captured between our pressed


Let the healing conduct the electricity in your


I just miss you so much!

There’s so much to miss!

Let’s re-kindle our flame and drown all this


Just wait for me and always be true!

And when I get out I’ll come runnin’ home





Separated from my freedom

My love, my soul, now I need ’em!

I so realize what you mean to this half-dead


The Darkness that surrounds me now,

constantly reminds me how,

Your light’s what I hope to gain in the


A lack of words,

for this feeling in my chest.

The regrets of a love that I put in duress!

The guilt, that I must face.

claim ownership of, then forever suppress!

The truth that put stitches in my face,

is constantly gnawing at the back of my


while the lack of control that landed me

in this place,

is fueling the tank of my derelictions!

And just one more night I’d love to

hold you while you sleep!

But one more is never enough!

There are just some things so valuable I

must keep!


There are Times I Pray


Here I remain

soon the pain will fade

The sky’s been grey

She says, “Babe,

I say, “Baby”

There are no maybes

Freedom is but a thought away

Truth blew me the way

All to love

Hand in hand

She says, “Damn this man!”

Faith got our hearts in hand

The sculpture of , “us”

The I’s, The Do’s

The sky is blue

I say, “Babe”

She says, “Baby”

We say, “Our little family”

The sound of Love

It’s, “Yes!”

It’s, “Pleasure!”

These written love letters




I’ve never questioned destiny until now

The Gods have conspired against my will

such an exit plan they’ve concocted

They’ve pinned me against the very walls that hold me

and kissed me with the honey of Satan’s blossom

a subtle taste of sweet

an enormous sour.

Yet I crave more

as the medicine enters my heart

half dreams entwined with semi-erections

the Sacrificial Lamb

I am he for the taking

so take me as you will

take me as I am

a servant of thyne God Chiva

And now my heart cries out


for thyne is the son of God all mighty

Your Gods have gathered against me

and conspire to kill me

BlasphemyI shall not surrender my soul


I’ve never questioned my destiny

Until… Now


A New Day

It’s been 10 years

and now I grew a conscience

I’m still feeding my sorrow

how pathetic

Maybe I should’ve just stick with drinking.

but I beat her too many times I had to quit

I need some air I need to breath

I need a cigarette I need to leave

Now that everyone’s up and left me I somehow conveniently see

No more music, no more noise

Back to basics right?

But I don’t understand why 7 and 1/2’s all coming out so separate

maybe it will make sense later, maybe not

I just don’t know man

Maybe I just don’t care anymore

Oh yeah well then why are you still writing this? huh?

about your so called pain


Do you think she’ll think of me when I die

does it even matter any more what she thinks

is that a formula to all the calamity

am I the living bottom

maybe I just don’t make anymore sense at all

anyone listening?


Don’t blame yourself for blaming yourself

because nobody really cares

but I don’t think like you do

and there my friend is the problem.

Because I am beating myself blind

trying to figure whose voice is correct

yours or mine

No rhyme no reason no reason no rhyme

ugh… is there even a point to any of this shit

so confused

oh yeah sure I bet if it was heroin

you would know exactly what you wanted huh?

you know I’d do it all again too

and if tomorrow comes

I’d probably still do it!

How sad it haunts me !

No way

yes you would, quit lying to yourself

Who me?

Hell no…

Like I’m some sort of freak or something

next thing you know

I’ll be talking to myself

Shit maybe even answering yourself

Now wouldn’t that be something to write about Mr. V

Tell em

Tell em about your bleeding heart

Tell em about your crying soul

Tell em

Tell em or I will

Tell em before we go…


Lost in the Darkness 


I’m hearing noises

Trapped in this solitude

I wonder where my voice went

Temptation is in my ear blowing suicidal kisses and

the little strength that I have is wearing thin

Birth name: V…

Baptized in sin…

I am aware that I’m a coward

but the others won’t give up.

I am aware that I still owe

But the others don’t give a fuck.

Most. folks worry that I’ve gone too far

yet I’m getting nowhere fast.

Left hand on my erre (syringe.)

Right foot on the gas

A rebel with a cause

Jimmy dean was no accident, he panicked

now the world’s one Angel short

just as conflict taunts MY soul

I knock on Heaven’s door.

“Is anyone there?”


Woke From A Nightmare


I’m Death’s puppet

I cut the strings and I begin to dream

I walk on the edge of a razor blad with split personalities,

“A drunken state,  A sober view”

I got frostbite from a world so cold

God save me from myself

I set about to stab myself with anxiety and paranoia greets me

with gentle eyes

I start to tremble with worrisome thoughts

My last words are regrets

I commence to pray the same words


A sihlouette of madness overtakes me

I shoot the man in the mirror,

“The jigsaw puzzle of truth”

A bloom of despair and its so sincere


A horror of being blind to the words I wrote

A tragedy of being deaf to the sound of music

To be voiceless and insensible



These are the 13 Steps To War

One: Use everything according

to its nature, pushing limits

A drowning man, will grab anything

even something that pulls him down

learn how to use your tools – before you

need them.

Two: Bring all forces into play.

Live so authentically that

even your mistakes are honest.

Three: Seek out specialists in their field.

Prize professionals who help you

master the art of being you.

Four: Give orders clearly and

precisely. In plain language.

Despise ambiguity.

The only thing binding you

should be your word.

Five: Keep abreast of trends

and sympathies. Listen to

the people.

Acquire a taste for bad news

your best friend is the one

who tells you the truth you

don’t want to hear.

Six: Sennin.

Your greatest weapon

is your enemie’s mind.

your greatest enemy

is yourself.

Seven: Eliminate all doubt.

Cross each decision point

prepared to die.

knowing anything can happen.

with a will even to lose

on your terms.

Eight: Contain organization

within carefully cultivated


Set your house in order,

filled with treasures

wrenched from disaster.

be the eye of the storm.

Nine: Empower weakness;

nourish strength.

Give everyone and everything

a chance to shine.

Ten: Solid Foundations; Firm


So you live in a cell

get down and clean it.

Eleven: Train daily, gathering


wake up to the lesson

buried in every task.

victory is always

a work in progress.

Twelve: Search out of the true

nature of things.

stare shamelessly

at every object of desire

desire everything.

Thirteen: Makoto

Your father is awareness

Your mother is adaptability

You are the river

That cuts the mountain

on its way to the ocean..



All the impossible is successfully possible

Death, Life, War and Peace are children on the universal playground

“Music,” the infinite season

Love and Hate are bound by marriage

“Lies,” the Grandpa of truth

“Slavery,” the Grandma of freedom

The air is sweeter then kindness and generosity, smelling like fresh

drops of rain and flowers.

Stars in the galaxies are the jewels to be worn.

Age itself relaxes with wisdom who is gorgeous and knowledge who

is also beautiful

Sin is the only prisoner, forever the Uncle of stubbornness and ignorance

Auntie Righteousness still calls, writes and visits.

Dreamland is when you’ve been there and are awaken, only to force

the same location but is impossible

A once in a lifetime visit so don’t blow it…


Radio Corpse

Momma told me when I was young

Every day is a new day I’m thankful for every

breathe I take

Even on a cloudy day I’ll keep my eyes fixed

on the sun

And now I’m all grown up

On a long and lonesome highway

See me ride out on the sunset on your

color TV screen

‘Cause I’m a cowboy on a steel horse I ride

It’s bitter baby but it’s very sweet and I’m on

A roller coaster but I’m on my feet

And I feel so much depends on the weather

So why is it raining in your bathroom?

Thunder only happens when it’s raining.

How could you just leave me standing alone in

A world that’s so cold

The hurt doesn’t show, but the pain still grows.

The words you say never seem to live up to the

ones inside your head the lives we made never

seem to ever get us anywhere but dead

I thought I knew what love was what did I

Know those days are gone forever I should

just let them go.

But everybody knows that a broken heart is


Evil – most definitely

Don’t let it blow your mind away, baby

Dont let it blow your mind away

There’s a rumor that light wont find you holding

hands while the walls come tumbling down

and when they do I’ll be right behind you

There’s nothing like you and I this is no ordinary love

We are spirits living in a material world

and like the sun we will live

to rise again.



Am I listening to you?

or my headphones?

everything goes better with music

rare bird anywhere

unheard in here, ’till we got these

cheap-ass radios.

did you know…

I can scan stations by looking

around the pod?

I check for the hardest head nod

and hit the station

-because I know you.

Hip-Hop, Corridos, Old Skool,

Metal, Rap, Country

Your hands and feet broadcast

Your head’s frequency

Kiloheartz… Megaherts…

invisible airwaves crackle

with strife

Always sounds better after


Navigation trough static

following the stars because

my heart’s compass lost true

North long ago to magnetic

interference of bars and razor wire.

I’m waiting for midnight

stuck on the 24/7 Cheez Mix

Bubblegum pitched up to squeeze

more celebrity gossip into the gaps.

What does the latest news say,

about the one listening to it?

Commercials, reliable as cancer.

Deadly, as powerball jackpot.

Dial around that shit.

Pick up a genius rhyme

overlapping synergy.

noise power.

Drop in on AM – the wasteland

band – red-faced rhetoric and

squealing, buzzing

electronic serenade

of analog cicadas…

Break’s over, back to music

pop-stars peddling ass

Carl’s Jr’s slanging burritos

both using the same words


Censor proof profanity puzzle

bursting like a mortgage bubble

BPMs dropping with the

moral fiber in your Pop-Tarts

even dance tracks take a

minor key in days like these

complex emotions

no direct questions

-they don’t want our straight


-but this is not music

These speakers only simulate

too late to mean shit

way back when they put it

on wax

stamped and cut

for us to make relevant

crib notes, caged beats

pity the rockstar, thinks he owns music.

We own the music.

Pocos Pero Locos Sunday Mornings

Art Labeau* Sunday Nights

Nothing but the Blues Wednesday

and Friday night

Nothing but Street Beat

This is how I know my world

I take its pulse

I turn on my radio.


The Whip

You deserve the attention

every song stirs you to life

you suck the poetry from every errant line

death sharp on my tongue

life no longer wasted

the eternal lover

worn in like a whip

heretic on his bed of coals

recreating the old ways

from dreams and dull flesh

the proof is in the eyes

or should be.

They should want to look away

it should be a sight

for nightmares

everything but pity

they should simply be disgusted

by the sight of a real saint

when they’re gone

we’ll enjoy the dark

just a blur on my eyes

I’ll hold you with my entire


you won’t shatter

like the earth

you won’t choke

like the sky

you won’t die

like old ocean

you won’t burn

like everything

universe deconstructed

and you and I

are still standing.


A World Without Prisons

A world without prisons – sure would be nice

especially for us – locked on the “bad” side

a place where we wouldn’t get punished by our

PO’s for smoking bud and getting high.

I would love to live in that world away

from here.

That world that doesn’t exist

that world that so many of us fear

Imagine if we lived in that world

But you can only live there if you’re a convict

and you live a life of what this corrupt system

says are crimes – even though

sometimes, they’re not.

Reason being

so we’re not judged by those

who got money and live “normal” lives

and don’t know anything about

the hard-ass knocks of life.

The cats who always had it easy, everything

handed to em’ on a silver platter

I’m not talking about the fake cats that

judge without knowing – the ones who think

we’re so bad…

But there are jails and prisons

only God can judge me



Churning, Chewing

snake pit in my belly

eyelids full

of golden oil

the years of waiting

for me to care

are over

I’ve been carrying you

like a secret

hidden in my bones

when you master your demons

you get to write about them

Now I have something

to paint over

the vision that isn’t dreaming

Now I have something to tell

the sleep

that isn’t rest

Death’s cousin

why choose the lesser

of two evils?

Here it comes

Iron rails ringing

express poetry

is rushing to the

invisible finish line.

the sky is falling

but I am staring

at the ground

begging for you

to love me

you are an energy

I have to call you

Get you

finally have you


Lust Slanted

heat sensitive

beat heavy

Loves ghost

Heaven sent


So I’ll take a little

extra for the both of us

screaming out of history

and look how fast

the pencil scratches

look at my face

down in the margins

the tab they call

the gutter

a wide street


“Night Walkers, Magians

Bakchol, Lenai and

the Initiated.”

What if the truth

wants to hurt you?

What if the bad thing

is the best thing?


is the thing with claws


is the thing in the dark.

Sin went out with the


Come on, little sister

blue cloud

with diamonds on

it’s you and me


separated at death.

Trees that grew together

and one choked the other.

closer than lovers,

then one,

choked the other.

Tears of joy

as one comes out swinging

tears of pain

as the other just, comes out

You walk through walls

my silent girl

to sweeten my blood

I don’t judge

every court date

kisses the numbers

on your grave

“The heart always

get what it wants at the

cost of the soul”

The affair

that began

after the end

the unexplained



A whole life

under a single tree

a happy home

under a heart-shaped

head stone.

*Lawrence Durrell, Justine


Under Pressure 

It’s night

and above, the stars swim

like little fish.

A rattle from my backpack

and a clink, clack

from the metal

fire escape.

High above the slabs

of sidewalk, a fresh

canvas awaits.

the swoosh of cars travels

from left to right.

I think, can they

see me.

Clink, clink, clink, clink

hisss… hisss… hissss….

as I paint

Clash, Beat, or Mtn

Alien, all city or Rusto

low pressure or high

from the over soiled mist

and the faint bliss you receive

emerges a masterpiece

some high browed connoisseur

spits disgust without a blink

and others speak through teeth

it’s hardly speech, that’s beautifully ugly.

And yet, the rats continue their race

unnoticed, others flash pics

and your fifteen minutes of fame are over.

Then some day next week

on a blue morning

three sets of boots and a roller

and your artwork disappears.

What’s left, is a rectangular patch of color

like anti-graffiti grey or cover up khaki

and when you pass these mix matched colors

on sides of buildings or billboards.

you think, “Damn, thugs tagging everything.”

or “fucking city sponsored censorship”

I wonder what it said

and is that patch better than the graffiti

that wall once had…


Mirror Mirror Over and Out 

Mirror Mirror on the wall

Why, why is it I fall?

How deep does the rabbit hole go?

Like Alice I tumble head over heels

wheels that wear off, but keep on rolling

chose to be the one who…

Can make it, will make it, I am my

own master, I fly this ship to our destination

10-4, Roger that sir, Sirius XM, please

okay just make sure it’s something I can jam to

like Tupac, or Too Short, Old Skool or even

StaticX will be okay! Just get this demon out!

Alright, no problem, which one is it?

I’ll try a lobotomy, maybe some laughing gas.

Fuck it, bring a loco with a motive

it’s us disappearing into the fog, laughing with our

ticket out, giving it to Ozzy to get on the Crazy Train.

No more tears, that is what I have now.  Before it used

to be like that poetic thug R.I.P, having so many tears

Praying to God, please if you can hear me.

“I love you” as the Sandman came to take me away

to over yonder to wonder how necessary it was

but fuck it, fight it, it’s all the same, it’s the only way

to stay sane, let the loving come back to me.

It will be patient because love never fails.

I know from the experience through the pain in my heart

that burns like an ongoing fire, it can’t be put out

but only to dim down, then rages again

so unlock this cage, because I am so tired

this is the end of the page, so finish it!

until next time, take care of yourself

and others, God speed, over and out.

~ JJ aka JS and CC

Dad & ME 

Dear Dad

I’m writing you a letter

that you will never see.

I’m sorry for the person

I turned out to be.

My time with you was cut short

’cause what you had

on your mind

it hurt me ’cause

I couldn’t help you through

that hard time.

Now your life is gone

and mine is on borrowed time

’cause I chose drugs

instead of a 9 to 5

So I think what would you ell me

if you were still here.


get my head out of my ass

and get it in gear.

But I haven’t done it Dad,

I’ve been fucked up all year.

It’s sad

now that your gone

I can tell you the real,

but that’s the sadness in me,

drug life

thug life

fuck that,

I’m ready to be

the man

you knew I could be.


Poetic Manifesto

Poets of the world

our hearts break chains

beginning with our own.

Live so hard

lived so authentically

never silently

and bad writers

(County, State, and Federal)

Made us look so bad on paper

our report

Has set the record straight

for only we heard the constant

tremor in our chests

while our people laid out the tracks

and the police put the

beat down.

We added lyrics

and pulled them into the conversation

No Wrong

Just Write.

Deeper than survival

shackled to style

in  a world full of weapons,

We chose to split the atom

with words.

Vaporizing our enemies

worst first


Coming through with a handful of keys.

One for each mental prison.

A desperate escape

into daylight.

A rescue mission

to the thousand separate

islands of our despair.

In a world of pain


we chose poetry.

Mastering the healing art.

Terminal cases

step up front.

We wrote the perscription

For a world on drugs:

Get some facts in your head

(spit them out if they don’t

go down.)

Get high enough to escape


then crash just to tell us

what it’s like up there

now YOU know

like WE know

there’s nowhere to go.

Madness is no longer

an escape

go there and find us

waiting for you, saying

No Wrong

Just Write.

You Pioneers asking:

“How did I get here?”

You Heroes preaching:

“Someone will save us…”

You voyeurs

of the violence onanie

You high rollers

so bad at math

the only one cashing out

IS THE HOUSE – so start your own game

You superstar

stuck to the glass ceiling, you

climbed all that way

“Fuck your talent!”

“You’ll never be good enough!” – So break through!

You unique. copy.

You ignored. idol.

You stolen. gift.

you couch. tiger.

Here. We. Are.

We have nothing to lose

but our shower shoes.




We went from liking and loving

to fighting and fussing,

to going our separate ways.

Now sit down, I gotta tell you something

I am tired of fighting over bullshit

and I don’t even know why, but they say

“love is blind.”

But a love like ours

is hard to find.

Moranda you blow my mind

I just love the way your eyes shine.

I love you so much

nothing else can compare.

Some vatos see the light

but they can’t handle the glare.

Now that my mind’s straight,

I can finally think clear.

I ain’t the type to walk around with matching

shirts, but since a relationship takes effort, I’ll match your work

When you’re mad at me, it drives me bizerk

And I promise most of the time, I ain’t even tryin’ to be a jerk.

But I am tryin’ my best, to make things work.

I gotta admit, sometimes, I start the fight

’cause you look so cute when you’re mad.

As I think of it now, I only feel sad.

I swear, I miss you so bad.


I wish some of the fights

we never had.


Love Is

Love is not a light bulb
turning it on won’t
scare the monsters away.

Hate is not a shadow
no malignant intelligence
drives the forces of stupidity

Love is not a life line
-but it will make you throw one

hate has now power
-but it will make you waste yours.

Love is in the senses
hate the senseless by choice.

sometimes the truth hurts
sometimes it feels good to get
everything wrong.

light and shadow
know each other
they blend
into landscapes, portraits

they conspire in
harmonious discord
and ruthless compassion.


Day Dream

So I sit gazing upon the books on my desk
wondering, what’s next?
I’m waiting for something, but what is it?
What’s got my mind so interested
I dream while I’m awake
imagination running away, I dream
of something better
the sun is up the sky is blue
but still I sit here with nothing to do.
I see everything on my mind
but yet I’m blind.  The envy growing
inside of me
passion burning
I speak but with no voice
I hear but don’t understand
I touch but I don’t feel
My thoughts tormenting my soul
I want to cry out but I can’t
because people are watching.
Waiting to point the finger
reading my mind like a suspenseful
book unaware of everything else
I hear. My mind in clouds somewhere.
This is how I escape the confused
heartless world around me
I sit at my desk and
Day Dream.



Poetry Test 

Who is this ?
Standing up in class,
mind on a stage
face scorched by
a spotlight
Head full of terrified
heart full of bets
mouth full of bells
The house is burning
chills as dep as your bones,

A secret dread
A silent hope
Haunted, maybe
Fully awake, definitely
struck by arrows
Ashamed or Proud.

These words are
About You
and they grab you
a second,
or was it your whole life
you want to stretch
it out
or shut if off now
you might not remember,
so you learn to listen.

For the first time
All over again
Crazy ideas
form and pop
bubbles you get
trapped in
Hopefully, you say

“I Can
Do That.”

But by the end
you stop taking notes
stop being inspired
it’s enough just
being THERE

You Pass The Test.


High Points 

High Points in a shining
hits to the head
let downs
excuses for what
you really wanted anyway
by the argument
she saved up
for the day she’d
cash you in.

Flash that lighter
loosen up all that
dried blood
bite your belt.
Bevels up
Don’t black out
You wanna be there
for the rush…

Hits to the head
another trip to the river
coming back with nothing
not even a lie
good enough
to explain your eyes
black and read
polished by
the movie in your head.

Highlights, a pulse
that swears
everything will be OK
and drugs don’t lie
they just…

Stop the story before
the tragic end
spots in your vision.


Melting into bands
of yellow and orange
a rainbow painted
over a crazy life
your blue mountaintop
pierces the clouds
but the angels
don’t want you
they pray for you
to come back
when you’re clean

But now
even the sidewalk
is full of sparking
lights – fusion
full blown
Bad News.



1, 2, 3, 4, 5
ways, I show you, showing me, what’s
been shown. getting out of range, tumbling down spiraled slopes.
Cocked back hammer. Reels, trampled
wheels, micro managed, top gear.
stringed braceletes leaping through dimensions
and downed systems. versus, complicated notes
following ingredients,
only use copper coated metal.
dead moving through time, Grinding watts generating
lost treasures developed by disappearing civilizations,
corrected by contradiction.
I medicated ear drums with meaningless nonsense
drawn up swaying of bones, tissue.
Creating what you read, rhyming, metaphors, used to
construct cracked time, wasted materials, comprehending what’s said
is left to and for the imagination. Meaning what I say, saying what I mean
are two different things. Loosing my thoughts is what you get.
overwhelming the picture, jumping to and from worlds
of… countless letters.  Needless to mention is fact, fiction or
truth. The beauty of being rare, angling my position into sight.



I’m learning things within myself
Learning to say “No”
Learning to let go
Learning how to be human

I’m learning how to be like my daughter is now
at 4 years old

To live in the now to forget the
things she’s angry about 5 minutes ago.

To love her mom and dad no matter how crazy forgetful
and idiotic they’ve been.

We never seem to learn from our kids
we only put them on a shelf

How cute and sweet to look at
and then walk away.

Never putting them into our heart and soul
and staying put.

Just putting them on a shelf and never remembering
what it was to be like them.



Mind stalled,
eyes shut. The feeling of sleeping while
still awake was a hobby that later figured to be
a huge mistake. Growing up, bedtime couldn’t come fast
enough. It wasn’t about the pillows holding up my head or
feeling safe wrapped in a comforter or the need of sleep,
but the desire of a fantasy that would never, but was
hoped to come true, a dream.
It’s a land where the impossible
becomes possible and all fears are unfeared,
where one is able to fly with the birds and feel the plush
clouds on your face,
or dive deep into the ocean swimming next to creatures as curious
as you
not having to go up for air because in this land
you choose where you breathe.
This land is one where becoming a master of parkour is as easy as
closing your eyes, scaling walls, flipping over cars, leaping 20 foot gaps,
no wonder why one finds any reason to nap.
Who would have ever guessed that the lack of sleep would cause
a loss of dreams. That new missions arrive with your eyes open, ones
that make you fiend. Parties, friends, and potions
become the new fantasy. A fantasy that’s real, one that can
be lived without the need to fall asleep. I entered this
land of deceit and realized
I love to sleep
and I love to dream.
So I found new friends and a new tonic
little did I know I was
just driving further away from my love of dreams.


My Time

My time doesn’t consist of
minutes nor hours, but days
and months. Sometimes my
time consists of years taken
away or wasted. Wasted on
former regrets or mistakes.
Mistakes that have led me
to a place where there’s a
watch maker and for every
tick he takes, takes, takes.
what is it with this
watch maker, knowing that
our time on Earth is limited.
Limited to every day that
we as people awake,
that’s why my time doesn’t
consist of minutes nor hours,
but days and months.
My time is very valuable.
Even though it has stopped
with the most painful jerk. It
is no single person’s fault why
my time has stopped, even though
I ask myself the question,
what a blessing it must be
to be given one day at
a time. Therefore I know
My Time is very valuable, and
time don not have to
waste, sitting here waiting
tick My Time away…


Doing Time 

Time slows almost to a stop
while the pendulum sleeps on the grandfather clock.
Tomorrow is always a day away and
I’m still stuck on today
a dream, the only means of escape
The one thing they can’t take
Then, I wake up
and think how much time did that take up
Minutes creeping
Second crawling

Watching sand in the hour glass
falling time never flys by in here
one hour seems like it took all
year. The clock my oppressor
missed opportunities I can’t measure

Weeks creeping
Months crawling

watching the leaves on the tree falling
father time laughing at me
while I’m praying it goes by rapidly.
The calendar is my prison
just getting through this month
is a mission.

Freedom on my mind
Bur for now, I’ll be here
doing time.


It Seems

It seems like I can’t face the day
and every night I start to pray
then thoughts of you enter my mind
and somewhere in them the strength I find
to keep on going and not give in
and let this place and the Devil win
because one day i know it will be
you in my arms ’cause I’ll be free.



LIfe without you would be a sky with on sun
Like kids out to play but having no fun
Life without you would be a joke that’s not funny
Like trying to go shopping without no money
Life without you would be a place with no love
No God No Angels and no Heaven Above
and the one thing I know to be true
I wouldn’t wanna live in a world without you.



Love is not a light bulb
turnin it on won’t
scare the mosters away
hate ios not a shadow
there is no magic to cancel
it out

All love does is give courage
to see the one who hates
and stand in the way of harm

Love is not a lifeline
but it will make you throw one
it will make you
you have one in hand

Light and darkness
know each other
they unite and separate
forming landscapes, portraits
Earth and sky
flow so easily
into each other
up and down
depend on where
you’re standing
love is the eye
seeing is sickness
sirens calling
somewhere off center
so they
never sees itself


The Wall

Couldn’t imagine how hard it’d be but the wall,
always thought that I would come so sudden
there’d be no pain,
never even saw it and yet I still feel the
weight of the world falling on my shoulders,
I see everything i was and could be fading
in the rearview,
I’m heading into the darkness and peole who say
once you’re there you can see the light,
are liars,
there’s only darkness, fear and a calm sense of
There’s no light unless you’re strong enough to
persevere through all the bullshit,
and break down the fading wall,
I hit the wall so hard I quit breathing and
my heart broke on the side of her love,
Love I thought I could always cling to in safety,
somehow the walls I built
broke her heart too and the gift of lonliness
I gave her wasn’t even to keep her holding
on to me.
I think, she thinks I can’t understand – how difficult
it is to have the life you live – shattered,
well – I’ve known pain caused from loss,
I’ve felt the hands of a drunken father around my
throat and I can relate to a broken heart,

She thinks I think that I’ve never seen remnants
of beautiful dreams laying in – perfectly – fragmented –
images on the carpet,
each mirage, something I’ve wanted and cant have, reflected,
back at me from the same busted whiskey bottle,
she must think I think there’s some way for me
to forget the shit memories I quit counting
I’ve told her I’m sorry a thousand times and I know
she knows it’ll never be enough for me because
I can’t heal the wounds that aer still open,
and I cant retract the thorns of my love from her
slowly bleeding heart,
All I can do is keep breathing and trying to keep
my fucking mind,
from thinking about the shit I can’t change.
Guess I’m not as good of aman – as i thought,
I’m the lir hypocrite and for the time being –
the fool.

So fuck yesterday and I wont think about tomorrow
Today I’ll choose to care, tell the woman who
crushed me – I love her even though, –
she says I’m still full of shit and wishes are
Maybe she’s right, – I destroyed the fragile structure
of her love,
I gripped what she built in loving affection with
my violence,

I let my selfish pride and contempt for happy
thoughts dictate not loving her.
I thought I’d grown, but I was wrong.

~ MU

Market Failure

Cigarettes cost $7
mostly tax
experts want to protect us
from ourselves – risk vs. reward
you may pay more
for being poor
if you can find a store at all
when prices don’t reflect
reality of value
it’s called market failure.

If you find cheap cigarettes
you can sell them for a profit
inside correctional facilities
an investor can make $100
on that same pack of smokes
you can’t really enjoy anywhere
anyway. Because
everything that goes in has
to be searched, stamped,
controlled, because the
things that don’t happen,
like smoking
keep the masses locked
down – experts protect them
from themselves – and they
wisely handed down a
tobacco compromise
like playing monopoly
with no hotels
health conscious
political correctness
in middle school,
(where cigarettes are
only $20 a pack)

The give you a D.A.R.E
sticker and a pat on the head
but they don’t teach
economic relativism
if they sent out a bill for a prison
who would pay?

But when it comes time
to pay for a school,
to make prisons unnecessary,
the money’s gone before
budget is written
can you feel the walls stretch?

There is an economic expression
for the value
of human lives
30,000 a year
kick back and try
to count it
easy living compared to fear
protection nobody needs
safety nobody feels
the only relief from
the machine
are the failures
written into it.



Dramatic drops
in ignorance stocks
have investors
on the verge of suicide
half a dozen of
Wall Street’s wealthiest
gathered to protest education
they dressed up like hobos
accosting passers by
and demanding change
begging Americans
to start spending again

-On Anything But

falling ignorance rates
across the country
have killed radio
TV and news papers
massive drops in stupidity
after increased inmate
has led to mass releases
re educating the
legal system

Corrections officers
the closing of another
unit at MDC today
former inmates immediately
began complaining and
looking for new
correctional facilities
threatening to build
their own prisons
demanding the return
of their lost ignorance
the cause of all
pleasure and pain
the easy choice
a lump of clay, bones
and flesh, ideas
fears, opinions
and ignorance tells
you this is what you are
separate and deserving


The Longest Night

She will let me go
we will stop screaming
I will put the bottle down

The longest night begins
with things that
will never happen

Crouching by the stairs
the last bottle joins the others
refueled, I go inside
refreshed arguments ring like
crystal bells
restored eloquence (only
slightly slurred)
she will see I’m right

But the overturned room
is empty
short bursts of water
in the bathroom
the windows
are black mirrors
and the phone is broken
the longest night
is nothing to take on alone.

I pop the lock
she is much too busy
to look up from
the razor in her hand
red water splashes
the blues way
replacing them
with a September
to remember.

I sit on the floor
beaten before the start
silent, she cuts
in another room
a husband reads
and his wife knits.

The fight bleeds
out of me
I’m the special one
she let in
too compromised
to even question
from the first night
in the taxi
my hand under her skirt
shocked numb
by the careful
ladder of scars
smooth and perfect ribbons.

I give her warm water
turning the tap
without looking
her pale,l naked body
dominates the shrinking
it’s the longest night
all the scars come out
here’s a broken promise.

Blood plumes
cuts open like gills
on the mermaid
she shows me the glass
as if she’d forgotten
at least a pint
of clear vodka
I want to pour it on her
but pouring it
down my throat
hurts both of us
she pulls my burning
mouth close
we are the only
two people
kissing in hell
trying to own it
since we’ll never
leave it.

The longest night
is for signing down
the morning star
for fathering lies
to shelter
the unbelievable
I do not look at her
I break my razor
hand her the little
blades one by one

Now she doesn’t
have to saw anymore
i sink with my head
on the porcelain
and listen
to the ghost
in her water logged boat
music for drinking
for washing the
hand prints
I will always see
pink soap
towels we will
throw away
back to the store:

“A box of bandages,
the blue ones.
And some vodka,
The big one.”

We’ll tame wild love
we will grow into each
other like trees

The longest night
wraps us in a blanket
of suffocating hope.



Little one
where have you been?
you laid down in the dark
without saying your prayers
a grain o sand
kept you from sleeping
so small
in a spot so tender
kept you tossing and turning

Vanilla vodka
plundered at time
gates of Hell
a snake in the sheets
a needle in the spinning
a bruise on the hand
that rocks the cradle

Your stuttering heart
tells tales from the floor
when they kiss you goodbye
and you are all mine
my plans for you
will make the angels cry
your soul hits the clouds
your spirit stains the sheets

you fly screaming
from the earth
tethered by love
an endless knot
a mobious strip

to keep us chasing
our tails
I let you go
and you come back
as if there were
more of me
instead of less
my strength fed to you
in the same small bites
you loved me with
anyone who knows you
will recognize
your needle mouth
and thimble hands
sized to your generosity

they say there is an
endless stream
of prayers
going round on a wheel

I hope you are on it
pretty and useless
and spinning home



You almost hate
coming home early
when she is right
behind the door
because she’s been
listening for you
she’s home too
A.D.A – Against Doctor’s Orders

and there is no Plan B
B-cause she sounded so sincere
rehab was a gift from God
but his house is headed
the other way.

She already cooked up a a Cura
so lie down beside her
no right and wrong
pride just wants you to
get back some of your money
when shame evens things out
you find plenty of Plan B’s
but you’re either nodding off
or turning the drawers
upside down

and in any crowd
you’re the only one laughing
so you step back
fuck the world
electric spoon
teeth marks in your belt

you forgot how to climb
sun beams
you ride a blood stain
put on a dirty uniform
you forgot you were meant
to wear the whole earth.



When I was down
you were the only one that could make
me smile,
you were the only girl in this world
that was wroth my while.

Before I met you
I was never on my feet,
from house to house –
woman to woman –
All I knew
how to do
was cheat.

But when I met you
you made my heart skip a beat.
You took my breath away,
and made this lonely gangster
feel like everything
was ok.

But times have changed
and it feels like you have nothing
left to say,
so all I can do is pray.

But lately things have been
so crazy,
I mean damn
why couldn’t things just go our way.

Over and over
i think about it every day,
in my mind it’s like our past’s stuck on replay.
I don’t want our good times to come to an end,
you made me so happy,
you’re like my best friend.

My worst fear is letting you go,
because without you
I feel like a lost soul ,
so baby
please tell me it ain’t so.

But if it’s really time for us
to separate
I need you to know
that when push comes to shove,
you’re the one that showed this gangster
how to truly love.

cuz without you
I’d probably be a spirit
floating somewhere up above.

Baby why did our life turn out like this,
with us separated in jail
hoping for a wish,
to get back all those times we missed.



I don’t understand why you lie.
you don’t make me cry, but you make me feel
sad inside. I don’t understand why I feel
this feeling for you, but my heart tells
me it’s time to cut you off.  So I don’t
get hurt.

You’re like the rest I’ve been with
you like deceive and you don’t
give a fuck about anybody you meet.

All you care about is lying and deceit,
but the Lord keeps me on my feet.



Lord please tell me this is all just a bad dream
I mean how can I only be 29 and already have seen so many evil things
It’s like every night it’s the same fight for my life in this race against fate
Will I die in the Zone tonight, or will I just make it home late
These are the questions that haunt this life of mine
As I remain trapped within this endless fight

and these are the devil’s twisted lies
which he replies,

“child don’t you see, I’m the one that kept you alive
even though you were dying inside
because I’m the one who made you
sure you had to cry yourself to sleep
Because you see, you need to be hurt,
so you’d stop being so weak
and that’s why I sent them all to hurt you
but you see mijo, I only did it for you
because when it was all over in the end –
it was your hatred for all of them
that actually pulled you through,
so you see fool? Without me, there is no you.”


Life Story

When I was a kid, my family looked down on me no matter what I did.
I was never shown the right way
so I ran astray,
trying to make life ok.
I found nothing but a few other kids
like me,
they said, let us be your family
but you have to be a “G.”

A few years passed by and I’m
living like a thug,
So I turned to a drug.
Living life in the fast lane,
I put a needle in my vein,
just to kill the pain.

I put in work so I went to
looking back on life,
and thinking of what it could be.

When I got released
I swore I was going to do good
but I ran back to the hood,
because that’s all I understood.

When I turned of age
I stayed stuck in my old ways,
and still prayed for better days.

After the life I lived
in sin,
I finally made it to the pen.
Walking with my head held high,
I would still hope and pray
I don’t die.

Cuz anything could happen,
one little mess up and
there might be a stabbing.

I got out after a few years
went by,
so I gave it another try.
I was only out three weeks
till I got caught up on the streets.

I’m back in jail,
trying to post bail,
and my chick don’t send any mail.
I’m all alone again,
So I guess this shit’s never going to end.



Cannibalism is my mind
it eats the clock
eats at thoughts
eats at me

I wonder at times
if all minds think this way

Thoughts of love
Thinking of hate
Thoughts of violence
Thinking of romance

What is it that I
think is best

Is it a new thought
something I have never thought
I remember sitting in my
living room wondering
is this peaceful life what i

or do I need the old
high speed chaos
here i am now wishing for

Looking for a way out
That’s normal I guess, right?

I’m thinking that thought i think
I never thought before now
I think, nope…

It’s … gone

Damn,  I still don’t know
what to think
does it ever end this
cycle of bullshit I feed my mind

like a tree that losses
all its leaves for Fall

Is that me
Am I that tree?

My mind losing itself
then growing new leaves,
same thoughts.

Damn it, I wish this curse
I have put upon myself would leave me

Oh what’s that, yeah there it is
that’s that thought I can almost see it,
nope… it’s gone again…



Memories of you can set me free
there’s not locked doors just your and me
I just close my eyes
and I see your face
and can almost feel your warm embrace.

I remember the taste of your kiss so sweet
and the curves of your body
from your head to your feet.

So when I’m locked down each and every day
I figured out how to take the pain away.
I go lay down and I think of you.
I don’t have to sleep you’re a dream come true.

8 more days and i might be free
only God knows what’s in store for me.


The Update

Since the Revolution
some of the best poetry
you’ve never heard
has been scratched into
the jail walls
and carefully…
painted over.

Since the Revolution,
the wheels ground to a halt,
from nobody
knowing they were
turning in the first place.

Since the Revolution,
this poem couldn’t find
anyone better than me,
to write it.

Since the Revolution,
the speech in congress
is at sophomore level –
and dropping, because

Since the Revolution,
the only ones in school
are awaiting trial and
the only jobs are in
prison sweat shops.

Since the Revolution,
our former bosses
rely on our
skills and leadership…

shoplifting steaks and liquor
is harder than it looks
shopping cart ride,
on its side…
Ghetto Barbecue

Since the Revolution,
the percocets ran out
and you came down
here looking for the
real shit, ’cause
the only free society
you can imagine
is one where nobody
stops you from getting
fucked up.

Since the Revolution,
high tech wizardry
lets you hook up dope
and is faster
than you can say:
virtual panopticon.

Since the Revolution,
the CIA checks your inbox
with a heavy heart since
they fell off and they’re
not selling the most
dope on the block

Since the Revolution,
junkies and alcoholics
Suboxone and Anabuse!
Pills to the rescue!

Since the Revolution,
coming to you live
on the internet
where only the commercials
know your name.

Since the Revolution
the crack zombies
got into bath salts
and started eating
each other’s faces.
shoot for the brain.

Since the Revolution,
the cops are wild on
diet pills and spice,
tatted up, holding down
-but they still put the cuffs
on BEFORE talking shit.

Since the Revolution,
it’s not a slap on the wrist
’cause there’s a piss cup
in your hand.

Since the Revolution, it’s
line up to show
your ass on TV
Man up? Lawyer up?
Why Bother?
it’ll be like you hit
the lotto
when Maury says

“you are not the father.”

Since the Revolution,
that nobody noticed,
except the planet,
shaking from
getting fracked.
and you’re still too lazy
to walk to work!

Since the Revolution,
you’re too busy recycling
to ask:

“who made all this crap, anyway?”

Since the Revolution,
everyone coming to
America for a better
life turned around…
trying to get the hell out
-but those fences work both ways.

Since the Revolution,
there’s been serious talk
about party and bullshit
party and bullshit
party and bullshit

so the next
doesn’t have any
power left to seize.



Maye the brightest future
will always be based on
a forgotten past.
After all,
you can’t go on
successfully in life
until you let go of your past mistakes
failures and heart aches.
I’ve also realized
that in my life I don’t
control what’s around me.
Only thing I control is my happiness.
my kindness and love.


My Life

I don’t understand a lot of things
around me.
All my life I feel I’ve been cursed
since the day I was born.
I mourn about deaths in my family.
I ask why not me,
how come they are the lucky ones?
Why couldn’t I go?
Instead of them…

Why can’t I be happy, whey can’t my children
understand that I’m a good person,
making bad decisions.

I never meant to hurt them.
I ask God for understanding and wisdom.
But I don’t get what I ask for,
not even a knock on the door.
I’ve also realized
that in my life I don’t control what’s around me
The only things I control is my happiness
kindness, love and my future
and maybe one day
my freedom.


Five Seconds Too Long

Stepping out of the Big House and onto
the bus

I saw her attractive eyes and charming smile
for the first and last time
Who’s she with?  Where are you from?
I’ll be sure to ask her that.

She’s smiling at me?  No she’s smiling at my
friend who just became my enemy
Two of society’s malefactors have just
arrived on the hound.
Ripped to the hilt with muscle tissues
Rippled to the hilt with behavior issues.

Trying our best like spring time turkeys
to gobble up her attention.

Young mama knows from our cardboard clothes
we’re coming from outter space, no… confined
space, and time
time built up, ticking, tocking, from under
these belts.

Sweet lustful smiles from ear to ear
no one but us and the sleeping senior citizens
at the front of the bus.

Go ahead toe stepper take your chances
You’re prettier cause I can see your
vanity and boastful suicide will get you
exactly what you have always accomplished… nothing
talk away, talk away, a way out of a dream
come true.

Hello flower.  Let me talk to you.
Why are you here?
and what do you do?

Attention K-Mart shoppers
she likes tattoos. And I got plenty of those in stock
underneath these cardboard blues.

Wow… she just touched my arm twice
since we’ve been talking
now she’s smiling at me stretching and yawning
showing me the “B” on her chest

B is for beautiful
B is for breasts

Poor toe stepper your face is drooping
maybe you should just go to sleep.

I asked her,
Can I sit by you?

“yes come over here and sit.”

Green light, good night and do not disturb
no hesitating, no useless words.
We immerse ourselves in deep affection
like that TV show ‘one life to live’
or that other show ‘wild kingdom’

Eyes on the road bus driver! no sneakin’ a peep!

I can’t believe this is real,
No Ex-Con’s dream.
What’s the ratio Lil Ms. Phallacio
That karma happens in degrees
you put a band aid on a broken heart
my girl put 3 knives in my back.

Sweet revenge you made even sweeter
say bye-bye while we’re still on the bus
she said.
Not a word to one another once we’re off

Her old man’s here to pick her up
The one who makes her feel like dirt.
Boy, he must have really did her wrong
from afar I watched her climb
into their truck and she gave him a kiss
5 seconds too long.



Letting go of all the pain, loneliness
and all the emptiness your heart has
held like a ball and chain.

Letting it all be free of mind
and heart so that you can start
all over again, with a better smile
and a better heart.

Letting it all out of your heart
is a beginning of a better
and wiser life.
For the past is gone, and it’s time
to go on with your life.



Innocent until proven guilty? Yeah right, sounds good.  Being in county jail I’ve met some
cool people. Some who might actually be innocent.
It’s true everyone in here says they didn’t
do it, but for a few, that’s true. Guards
come in here and treat us as if we’re guilty
even though some of us haven’t been proven
guilty.  I think about it if we were
innocent until proven guilty, wouldn’t we
be out on the streets?  I for one miss
my freedom.  I miss my freedom to travel,
freedom to listen to whatever music I want,
freedom to go to an all you can eat and
eat more than all I can eat,freedom to spend time
with my family, and
my freedom to go hiking and maybe
fall asleep to the sounds of nature.  if
we’re innocent where is our freedom.  Alright
so we can play handball, spades, dominoes,
basketball, or pinochle.  Sure we can make a spread
with ramen, beans, pickle, and beef stick, but
that’s not freedom.  Some of us read to escape
into another world.  When the eyes get tired
of staring into a book for so long, we
end up in the same shit hole filled with
disease and broken dreams. The closest
to freedom I get in here is my letters.  When
I receive a letter it feels like that person
is there talking to me, and I forget
I’m within these walls for a couple minutes.
So if you know someone within the walls
of a hell I mean, jail…
write them and
maybe let em be free for a few minutes. Those few
minutes will seem like a lot more to them.


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