Portrait of Home

E, mom, dad, siblings, significant other, friends

E is my son.
He lives with his Auntie
and goes to school here in Albuquerque.
His greatest obstacle
would be not having his parents around
him so much,
He fears that he sometimes feels alone.
His greatest achievement is playing his guitar and piano,
He is my track star!
I want him to know he is so special,
and very talented in so many ways,
You are the man “E,”
We love you very much,
Don’t’ give up on yourself,
You are number one in my eyes.

Would you forgive me,
for not being in your life
like I should have been?
Do you forgive me son?
If you need anything,
would you tell me?
Please know I am there for you,
no matter where I am,
and where you are.

Son, do you remember when you
and I were walking to McDonalds
and it started to snow?
You stopped us,
and I stood where it wasn’t snowing,
and you stood where it was snowing,
That was cool huh?


My portrait of Home

My biggest obstacle,
is that my mom is gone,
and I can’t bring her back.
Not a day goes by that I don’t
think of her,
it breaks my heart that
as time flows by
my memories begin to fade.
Should I feel guilty?
Or is this normal?
My biggest fear is that I can lose my children,
just how my mom was called into heaven.
My biggest achievement was that I was a good mom,
although I had no idea how to be one.
I may have lost my way,
but I realized before it was too late,
that I was running out of time.
Now I’m back on track,
starting off sober, seeking help.
I have many questions,
but here are a few:
Why did I have to lose my family?
Why does my life always go downhill
when I’m doing so great?
Why can’t I be loved?
My home always brought back memories
of my mom,
because of her sweet scented perfume,
of white diamonds.
I used to go to the cemetery to talk with my mom
when I was at my lowest.
The street Purple Cone,
it kills me that this is where my memories are,
that I am not allowed to visit,
because my family disowned me at the
age of 14.
I have a hard time making friends or
getting close to anyone,
because I’m afraid to lose them,
like everyone in my life.
Sometimes I hear my mom’s voice
singing her songs.
My hope
is to be reunited with my babies,
to be happy once again,
and to be loved.


My father’s greatest obstacle
is being a healthy father and grandfather,
and not an enabler while doing that,
but the fear of hurting his daughter’s (me) future,
and granddaughter’s (my daughter) future at the same time
has made our relationship nonexistent,
because of the fact of his fear
of my daughter being emotionally broken or hurt
because of my addiction.
I have lost 2 of the people,
who mean the most to me,
because of my addiction.
I feel, in my eyes,
my father’s greatest achievement
used to be that he retired from his dream job,
and made a successful life
for himself,
even with the struggles he has endured in his life.
Now I think his biggest achievement,
would be the fact that he is 47 years old,
and has an adult child who gave into drugs,
after living a normal successful life for so long,
and in the mess of her addiction,
he was kind of thrown
into parenting my child,
My father was chosen by me,
to take care of my child,
because drug addiction has taken me down,
and I love my child so much,
and I know my father,
is the absolute best person,
who could’ve taken responsibility for her,
he was the best father to me growing up,
he was my best friend,
Now my daughter’s relationship with him,
has mimicked mine and my fathers relationship,
and even though I miss him,
I know he can’t have a relationship with me,
but I’m okay with that,
because my daughter’s getting the best care ever..
All I can ask for,
is for you one day to forgive me.
I love you.


The smell of fresh sweet honeycomb,
after a stressful couple of hours of working
hard in them books,
studying for my goals,
and accomplishments
yet to come,
oh how I love the days roller skating
with my two lovely sweet dainty
beautiful daughters,
loved by our Lord Jesus Christ,
“Abba,” how I love thee.

The most usual place to be,
Roma and 4th,
with my sober, and clean, loving self,
dealing with loneliness, isolation,
myself as I know.
Feeling my chest pounding,
and hearing my heart beat
“boom boom boom”
I give thanks to God, Amen.

I can’t wait to have my daughters every day,
in more than just spiritually
Living together as a happy home,
how I pray every single moment and day.